Childcare Workers
Attend to children at schools, businesses, private households, and childcare institutions. Perform a variety of tasks, such as dressing, feeding, bathing, and overseeing play.
š¬Career Video
šKey Responsibilities
- ā¢Maintain a safe play environment.
- ā¢Observe and monitor children's play activities.
- ā¢Communicate with children's parents or guardians about daily activities, behaviors, and related issues.
- ā¢Support children's emotional and social development, encouraging understanding of others and positive self-concepts.
- ā¢Care for children in institutional setting, such as group homes, nursery schools, private businesses, or schools for people with disabilities.
- ā¢Sanitize toys and play equipment.
- ā¢Dress children and change diapers.
- ā¢Keep records on individual children, including daily observations and information about activities, meals served, and medications administered.
š”Inside This Career
The childcare worker cares for children while parents workāa role that combines nurturing with education and the constant supervision that young children require. A typical day involves feeding, diapering, napping logistics, activities that develop skills, managing behavior, and ensuring safety throughout. Perhaps 60% of time goes to direct care and supervisionāthe hands-on work of keeping children safe, fed, and engaged. Another 25% involves planned activities: reading, art projects, outdoor play, and the structured experiences that support development. The remaining time splits between parent communication, documentation, and the cleanup that caring for young children constantly requires. The work is physically demandingālifting, chasing, bendingāand emotionally intensive as children require constant attention.
People who thrive in childcare combine genuine love for children with patience and energy that endures through long days. Successful childcare workers develop activities that engage children while managing behavior and maintaining safety. They build relationships with parents that support consistent care between home and center. Those who struggle often underestimate the physical and emotional demands of caring for young children all day or find the repetitive nature of the work tedious. Others fail because they cannot maintain patience when children test limits repeatedly. Burnout is common; the combination of low pay, physical demands, and emotional labor exhausts many workers.
Childcare work is rarely profiled through famous practitioners, though early childhood education leaders have shaped understanding of child development. The profession appears in popular culture primarily through comic situationsānannies and daycare workers as characters in family entertainment. *Mrs. Doubtfire* and *The Help* portrayed childcare from different perspectives. The profession's importance to working families rarely receives the cultural recognition it deserves.
Practitioners cite the satisfaction of nurturing children and witnessing their development as primary rewards. The bonds with children provide emotional fulfillment. The work aligns with values for those who see childcare as meaningful. The schedule often aligns with school hours, providing some work-life balance. Common frustrations include the compensation that fails to reflect the work's importance and the societal devaluation of care work. Many resent being treated as babysitters when providing education and development support. The exposure to illness is constantāchildcare workers get sick frequently. Parents' criticism and unrealistic expectations create stress.
This career has varying requirements depending on settingācenter-based care requires meeting state licensing requirements, while home-based care may have less regulation. CDA (Child Development Associate) certification provides credentials. Some positions require associate degrees in early childhood education. The role suits those who love children and can tolerate the physical and emotional demands. It is poorly suited to those who need quiet or intellectual stimulation, find children exhausting, or expect compensation proportional to education and responsibility. Wages are low across the profession, with center directors and those with advanced education earning somewhat more.
šCareer Progression
šEducation & Training
Requirements
- ā¢Entry Education: High school diploma or equivalent
- ā¢Experience: Some experience helpful
- ā¢On-the-job Training: Few months to one year
Time & Cost
š¤AI Resilience Assessment
AI Resilience Assessment
Medium Exposure + Human Skills: AI augments this work but human judgment remains essential
How much of this job involves tasks AI can currently perform
Likelihood that AI replaces workers vs. assists them
(BLS 2024-2034)
How much this role relies on distinctly human capabilities
š»Technology Skills
āKey Abilities
š·ļøAlso Known As
šRelated Careers
Other careers in personal-care
š¬What Workers Say
66 testimonials from Reddit
Update on nannyās swimsuit
Yesterday I posted about issues with our nannyās swimsuit. Didnāt expect it to spark such a debate and was surprised at many of the comments. Some were adamant it was out of line for me to say anything because of so many reasons ā slut shaming/sexualizing/misogyny. Even saw some people accusing me of being jealous of her and worried about my husband seeing her which is crazy because Iām happily married to a woman! But anyway, thought I would provide a not very interesting update. Today was not a pool day, but when she arrived this morning I just pulled her aside and basically said what the top comment of my previous post suggested (Thank you!) Asked her if sheād be willing to get a more athletic suit for work because of professional and safety concerns, and offered to pay for it. She took it really well and said she understood. I offered $100 for the new suit but she laughed and was like, āare you crazy, they have full piece suits at Walmart for 20 bucks, Iāll pick one up while Iām out with the kids laterā š Lol. Iām so relieved! I absolutely love our nanny ā she's been with us for so long and has always been very easy-going and receptive! Iām really glad I decided to say something. Thank you to all those who left helpful comments yesterday!
A lot of the issues in r/Nannyemployers are caused by the employers
Throwaway account bc it needs to be said, but I don't need the crazy traced back to me. Tried posting in r/Nannyemployers, but they don't like differing opinions. I figured I'll bring it straight to the nannies. āā Iāve had the same nanny for 5 years, and after spending way too much time lurking in the employer sub, I have to say it: a lot of you are not good employers. I know thatās harsh, but seriously, read your own posts. āNanny ghosted after 3 weeks.ā āThird nanny in 6 months.ā āNanny acted entitled.ā And then you admit youāre paying $20/hr for a 45+ hour workweek, expect laundry, dishes, deep cleaning, educational activities, potty training, and āoccasional evenings,ā all with no contract, no PTO, no sick days, and no guaranteed hours. Thatās exploitation, not employment. And then thereās the banked hours scam. Letās be honest. Telling someone they have a āfull-time jobā and then at any given time telling them not to come to work for whatever reason, and holding the other 10 as some vague IOU, is wage theft. If you wouldnāt tolerate it from your boss, donāt inflict it on someone taking care of your kid. Even worse is the double standard in expectations. You want the nanny to treat your kids like royalty (no screens, no sugar, Montessori-style engagement 24/7), but as soon as you clock in, itās iPads and Lunchables. You insist on positive discipline and zero raised voices. Then you scream at your spouse across the kitchen while your toddler watches. Some of you are asking your nanny to parent better than you do. Itās hypocritical and, frankly, disrespectful. People on this sub act like hiring a nanny is some kind of personal favor youāre doing. āShe should be grateful.ā āItās an easy job.ā āItās not like sheās a teacher.ā No. Sheās a childcare professional. Many nannies have early childhood training, certifications, and years of experience. If you treat them like a disposable servant, donāt be surprised when they leave. It really gets me how often employers expect blind loyalty while offering zero security. You want a nanny who will stay with your family for years. But you wonāt give a raise, wonāt offer health insurance, and wonāt even pay legally. Then you get shocked when they move on āwithout notice.ā Why would anyone stay long-term in a job that has no protections? Hereās the truth: good nannies are not hard to find. Good jobs are. If your last two nannies left without notice, your kid cries when they see you instead of the nanny, and your āflexibleā schedule changes every week, you might be the red flag. If this post pisses you off, maybe ask yourself why. If youāre actually offering a fair wage, W2 employment, a contract, PTO, and clear boundaries, then great. Youāre not who Iām talking to. But if youāre trying to run a household like itās a startup, squeezing max value out of underpaid labor, donāt act shocked when you keep getting turnover. Childcare is a real job. Treat it like one. Or keep posting about your ābad luck.
DB asked me to hide something from MB - malicious compliance
Been working for this family for about 6 months. MB is the breadwinner and DB is still in training for his job. So MB hired and pays me, and DB is the reason Iāve been working overtime every week. Heās been āworking from homeā but heās actually just napping for 8/10 hours heās at the house. He does work some though. I do not like him. Heās annoying and I genuinely donāt know why anyone would marry him, but I digress. So, on Friday, Iām putting the baby down for a nap as DB is heading to the airport to go out of town for the weekend. He tells me a package is coming and asks me to put it in the garage before MB gets home. I agree. Hereās the thing, I morally disagree with hiding things from your spouse and I follow a strict girl code in the workplace. But ultimately, he is technically my boss so I do as told. The package is an expensive golf club. Oooooh boy. Iām guessing bought with MBās money. So, I do place it in the garage. However, he seemed to forget that the babyās stroller is in the garage. So I placed it right where she would see it if she grabbed the stroller this weekend. It brings me joy to know that he is going to get caught. He has been a pain in my ass since day 1. And honestly, I donāt have any loyalty to him. My loyalty lies with the person who signs my checks š hate a liar anyway. loser behavior. Anyway, end rant.
She got my kids coloring books unannounced
First time she volunteered to watch the kids at her place. My kids were excited to the point of being super polite and we were both cracking up about it - it was completely out of character. No complaints, no bickering, just super well behaved Later in the car my older daughter tells me ānanny bought us coloring books, I decided to leave them there so we can color for next time.ā I had no clue she did this My daughters are 6 and 4, they both protest whenever they go somewhere without me or when I have to leave for work. My oldest decided on her own to leave the coloring books there for her and her younger sister anticipating a next time This honestly hit me hard in the feels. I sent her a couple of tickets to something she previously mentioned as a thank you gift. Pure gratitude Their own mother is effectively emotionally checked out from their lives, and im very lucky to have someone who spends a significant amount of time with them who actually cares about them and brings heart into what she does
I Work for a Wealthy Family, and Iām One Rule Away from Screaming Into the Void
Iāve been working for this wildly unhinged family for over a year, and at this point, I deserve a medal of honor, hazard pay, and maybe a free trip to therapy. But since Iām getting none of those, Iāve decided to bless you all with some of the batshit house rules I have to followāplus a story from today that nearly sent me to the afterlife. Rule #1: Screens? Music? JOY? Not in This Household. This kid gets ZERO screen time. I mean NONE. Not a single TV show, not a single song, not even an instrumental background tune. If itās not coming from a pre-approved educational toy or my own mouth, it is forbidden. I would give one of my kidneys to put on five minutes of Miss Rachel. JUST. FIVE. MINUTES. But no. Instead, Iām in the middle of the playroom singing The Wheels on the Bus for the 734th time while staring into the distance like a soldier whoās seen too much. Rule #2: Nap Time = Time to Become a Cleaning Goblin. You think nap time means I get a break? AHAHAHAHA. NO. The moment this childās eyelids shut, I immediately become a full-time maid. ⢠Scrub the wine cellar. ⢠Clean the home theater. ⢠Wipe down every single one of the 500 barstools. ⢠Fold million-dollar baby clothes. ⢠Reevaluate my life choices. Meanwhile, I have approximately 4.2 seconds to inhale whatever fancy-ass chef-prepared lunch has been left for me before Iām summoned for my next task. Rule #3: Outside? I Donāt Think So. This kid has never experienced the warmth of the sun. If we even suggest going outside, Mom has to supervise so she can personally wrap him up like an Arctic explorer. It could be a beautiful, breezy 75-degree day, and sheās dressing him like weāre about to hike Mount Everest in a snowstorm. If one single ray of sunlight hits this childās skin, she will call the CDC, NASA, and probably the Pope. Rule #4: My Snacks Are Contraband. I cannot bring my own food into the house because Mom is convinced that her kid will somehow break into my bag like a rabid raccoon and feast on forbidden processed horrors. The house is 100% organic, sugar-free, and natural. I, however, am 100% hungry and deeply mourning my Goldfish and Doritos. So yes, I eat the private chefās meals, which sounds bougie, but there are no snacks. No chips. No cookies. No caffeine. I am malnourished and afraid. āø» AND NOW⦠THE INCIDENT THAT BROKE ME. THE JELLYBEAN APOCALYPSE OF 2025 Today, the kid went to preschool (for one whole day a week, because any more than that might emotionally damage his soul or whatever). While he was there, his teacher made a fatal error. She gave him ONE. SINGLE. JELLYBEAN. To reward him for cleaning up his toys. Big. Mistake. When Mom found out, she IMMEDIATELY called the school in DEFCON 1 mode, demanding to know the exact color of this poisonous demon candy. WHY? Because she read on Google University that one specific food dye might contain a potentially cancerous ingredient. This woman called up a fully licensed, experienced preschool teacher and screamed at her over a SINGLE JELLYBEAN. I guarantee that teacher is now questioning every decision sheās ever made. The school has probably blacklisted this kid from ever receiving so much as a Cheerio. I wouldnāt be surprised if his picture is now taped to the break room wall with a note that says: āDO NOT FEED. WILL CAUSE PARENTAL MELTDOWN.ā āø» And that, my friends, is just another day in my 100% organic, sugar-free, music-free, sun-free nightmare.
Cleaning lady didnāt come in today
My NF has two cleaners that come in on different days of the week and I donāt think either of them are documented. I live in a big blue city thatās been talked about for raids and Iām worried theyāre too scared to leave their homes :( Theyāre some of the kindest most hardworking women Iāve ever met. One of them fills in for me to watch NK whenever Iām not available and theyāre both so good to her. Every time I take the dog out NK rushes to find whichever one is at her house that day, and they hide with her while they wait for me to come back inside and find them. Just literally the kindest people you could ever imagine, I see posts on here understandably complaining about cleaning crews but these women make my job so much easier and I canāt find the right words to explain how messed up it is that they donāt feel safe leaving their own homes to make an income and support themselves Edit: I hope the people who are saying they broke the law by being here have never ran a stop sign, never jaywalked, never drank underage, never done an illicit drug, never drove over the speed limit⦠these people work their asses off while you're on reddit complaining about them feel free to report u/tinydancer61 so they canāt make yet another comment but donāt give them the attention theyāre so desperately asking for
Iām gross, a confession
Over the last 3 years working for my nanny family Iāve taken several things from their trash. 1. Free tickets to NASCAR 2. Foam roller 3. Pilates ball 4. Macadamia nuts (today, I picked an unopened bag out of the trash. Wiped it down with antibacterial wipes and hid it in my bag like the trashy raccoon that I am). Yes these were all things I had to physically dig outā¦.
Reported for āsnoopingā (weirdest experience ever)
I work PT as a Newborn Care Specialist with a reputable agency. I work 2-3 nights a week covering the full time NCS if theyāre sick or have a scheduling conflict. I went in to cover a 8-8 shift with a family and they contacted my agency and said they did not want me back because I was āsnoopingā. I was SO confused. I definitely was not snooping. I frankly didnāt have time to snoop even if I wanted to (colicky twins). The agency asked for clarification and they sent the agency security footage of me walking around the hallway trying to settle baby and I was *gasp* looking at the pictures they had mounted on the wall. Yep. According to them, itās snooping to look at the pictures on the wall in the space assigned to me to care for their babies. Idk, I guess I should have closed my eyes. How dare I! Iāve put up with some crazy stuff but this is a new one. Guessing they didnāt like me for a reason they couldnāt address with agency so they went with the snooping.
Told NF that one of the moms in group play treats me vastly different because Iām a nanny. Theyāre not happy.
My NK goes to a group activity with other girls her age. I ran into the one mom in that group who actually engages with me and we exchanged numbers to arrange a play date. MB was so excited (sheās shy and doesnāt feel comfortable with that) and asked which one it was. I told her it was ____ās mom and sheās actually the only one who engages with me. She asked me to explain what I mean and I told her that most of the moms talked to me until they found out I wasnāt their mom, I was the nanny, which they found out when momās had a day off and took NK to the activity. Iāve never pretended to be her mom or anything and it was like we were cool and talking and suddenly they didnāt wanna talk to me. But whatever, it was MONTHS ago anyway and Iām usually too busy dealing with the baby to worry. Anyway, when she found out⦠literally told her husband to come in the kitchen and was like āif you take NK to activity do NOT talk to those assholes they have been rude to nanny.ā I was like itās not a big deal and sometimes it happens where people view me as the help. They donāt so idgaf. Dad wasnāt having it either and said youāre an extension of this family so that shit is stopping now. They provide a lot of $$$ via sponsorships so I hated that I rocked the boat but love knowing that even under a year working there, they have my back just like that. š
Just try seasoning your food.
Please for all that is holy try seasoning your kidās food before labeling them a picky eater š. The amount of parents Iāve had tell me āmy kid only eats vegetables when you cook themā baffles me. I know you need to be careful with salt around babies but Iām seeing moms boil chicken and give it to their kids with nothing on it. Of course theyāre not eating it!! Fats in moderation are good for your babies! Add a little butter or olive oil. If youāre worried about salt you can still add garlic, onion, herbs, etc⦠Giving your kid unseasoned ground beef should be a criminal offense. ššš. MB insisted today that NKās donāt like avocado but NK3 picked one out at the grocery store and I taught him how to make guacamole and both him and the baby loved it!!! MB told me she thought garlic was too spicy for the kids so she had never given it to them. Anyways thereās my unserious rant for the day. Please tell me if you can relate.
Overheard our nanny talking negatively about me to our baby
We hired our nanny about 3 months ago to take care of our now 10 month old and this is our first time using a nanny. I thought everything was going really well! He really likes her and she has been so sweet (so I thought). I work remotely in my office and typically have noise canceling headphones on during the day to focus (my role is highly technical). I donāt interfere outside of enjoying my lunch break with our baby. However, last week my headphones died so I wasnāt able to use them when I overheard our nanny say āyour mommy doesnāt care about you or love you because thereās almost no diapers here for youā. I was absolutely stunned in disbelief that she said this to him. Now Iām questioning what else she may be saying to him when I do have my headphones in during the day. She didnāt even ask about extra diapers and carried on. Storage is limited in our old house so we keep the big boxes of diapers in his closet. Am I out of line for wanting to fire her over this? Iām worried that as he grows, she will say more negative things like this to him. I canāt imagine what it would be like to have an adult tell you your parents donāt love you at such a young age or worse.
Nanny left 4(F) & 2(M) alone in the tub.
I am beside myself. I have told everyone in my life that my biggest parenting fear is my children drowning. We have previously had one issue where my childrenās swim instructor reached out to me and said Nanny was not watching my 7(M) and 4(F) in the pool while 2(M) was in the middle of his private lesson. We had explained CLEARLY that if our children are in or around water, they MUST be supervised. Today, as I was in my room, Nanny texted me all the kids were upstairs, as she and the two older had just finished swimming. Out of simple curiosity, I thought Iād come up and help her set up the next activity. I found my youngest two alone in the bathtub, while Nanny was showering in the other bathroom. I donāt know how long they had been in there alone. I kept my deep anger and disbelief to myself and texted my husband to come upstairs. He sent her home because⦠i had no strength to talk to her myself. I feel betrayed. I genuinely donāt think I can look her in the eyes ever again. I want to reiterate, that drowning is the number 1 childhood cause of death (for children ages 1-4). Children can die in less than 1ā of water. Drowning is silent. After 4 minutes underwater, brain damage is likely irreversible. 1 person in the US dies every day by drowning in a bathtub. These statistics haunt me. My little ones could have joined these statistics today. Donāt ever leave a child unattended in a bathtub. I gently request advice and support. Edit: included more info to the statistics. Thank you. Edit 2: finally got a chance to cry this out and talk to my husband. Weāre paying her and firing her. Please donāt ever put children at risk like this. Iām so lucky to put all three of my kids to bed tonight.
Family devastated they are losing their nanny despite cutting her hours.
Itās like they donāt understand this is how people make a living? I have a family that attends my daycare. They have a nanny that Iām on very good terms with. Like we literally hangout outside and sheās my babysitter. The family cut her hours in half because the oldest is starting kinder soon and the younger one will be attending daycare more often. For whatever reason they thought theyād be able to retain her despite the fact that she is now getting paid half. Well one of the families in my daycare is looking to hire a nanny. Theyāre sick of their child getting sick all the time and are trying for another so frankly I donāt blame them lol. So I put them in contact and they want to hire her full time. The previous family is devastated. I cannot tell you how many times Iāve heard ābut our kids love her so muchā āsheās perfect for our familyā āsheās the only one we really trustāā¦.. ok pay her? She wants a full time job with benefits, not 15 sporadic hours a week.
got fired but i'm happy about it
i got fired today unexpectedly, my MB asked me to sit with her at the table while DB took my nk twins 1.5yo to bed and i was cleaning up from the family's dinner. so i sit down and MB is making small talk with me and then she abruptly just says they have to let me go because they're "unhappy" with my job performance so i asked what was it that they didn't like and MB said they weren't "getting enough return on investment" by hiring me. she said that she nor db should have to make a grocery list for me (i asked for them to make a grocery list for me over the weekend so that when i return on mondays after the weekend i can get all their groceries since idk what they eat/use up while i'm not there and i also don't know what they might want to eat through the week) and that making a grocery list is a waste of their time and for what they pay me ($25/hour in a HCOL area) i should "know" what they want. she also cited the one time i ran out of time to make their family dinner because the twins were sick and needy so i was focussed more on them rather than cooking their chicken dinner. and then DB came down and sat at the table with a huge grin and just completely lit into me calling me "incompetent" and saying he was surprised that i've been a nanny for 10 years because he doesn't see how i've been able to hold down any of the jobs i've had. i was taken aback at that and kind of pushed back and said i have a degree in early childhood education and that although i may have worked for other families and we've had our differences in all my years as a nanny or even as a student doing placements i have never been called incompetent. and then DB just laughs and looks at me and says "well, we hired you as a nanny and house manager and we only have 3 kids and you can't seem to figure out how to care for them, grocery shop, do laundry and run errands, and get dinner made so what would you call that?" i was stunned. i've never been spoken to that way from anyone let alone an employer and i did stand up for myself a bit and clarify that when i was hired i was told i'd occasionally have to prep dinner for the family (chop veggies or marinate meat for dinner for MB, DB, and nk6) but over the time i've worked for them i've been tasked with making 3 different dinners (1 for the twins, 1 for MB and DB and another for nk6 if they don't want to eat what MB and DB eat) plus run all the errands, groceries, and household laundry before 3pm pickup of nk6 while also caring for twin toddlers. and DB just shrugged and said i was making excuses to cover my laziness and that he's been waiting for this day and if his wife wasn't such a pushover he would have fired me within my first week starting with them. and then i just looked to MB and said i'm sorry this didn't work out and i was trying really hard not to get upset because nk6 was just in the living room and they have a stupid open concept layout so nk could hear the whole conversation even though the tv was on. so then MB says she's sorry too and DB just has a shit eating grin while MB and i are trying to be professional with each other and going over the logistics of me handing over the keys and fob and stuff like that and then DB just gets up and walks away when MB thanks me for my time so then when DB is gone MB says in lieu of notice she's going to pay me 3 weeks pay as severance so i say thanks and leave. i'm so glad i'm done with that family, that DB made my life hell (i've posted about him before) and so i'm glad i don't have to be around him anymore. I'm also so relieved that i got fired because i was going to give my 2 weeks notice on Monday since i found a new family to work for and now i don't have to do that. so when i finally got out of the house i sent a text to the new family that hired me and told them i'm available to start whenever so now i'm starting that job on Monday. so i have 3 weeks of severance now and a new job to start on Monday and i feel like buying myself a new pair of shoes or a handbag or something to celebrate lol
Someone needs to tell these parents they can NOT afford a nanny.
I'm currently job hunting and just completely blown away by some of these offers I'm seeing. You can't afford a nanny if you can't: pay overtime, offer at *least* 2 weeks PTO and 5 sick days, pay your nanny their regular rate while you are out of town, afford back-up care, pay for nanny's background checks/certifications. And so many other things. These parents need a reality check!
I was a nanny for 8 years & now Iām a sahm
Looking back, I feel guilty for how much I judged and complained about some of my nanny parents. I have found parenting to be more intense than nannying, and I didnāt fully grasp that until I experienced it myself. I thought I knew what I was getting intoāI felt confident in my ability to handle schedules, feedings, and age-appropriate activities. And in many ways, those things did come naturally. But nothing could have truly prepared me for the exhaustion of sleep deprivation or the sheer intensity of parenting 24/7 with little to no breaks. As a nanny, I could clock out at the end of the day. As a parent, thereās no off switch. The mental and emotional load is constant, and the responsibility never stops. This experience has given me so much more empathy for my past nanny parents. I now understand their exhaustion, their tough decisions, and the moments when they just needed a break. Parenting humbles you in ways you donāt expect, and Iām realizing that even when you think youāre prepared, there are always challenges that take you by surprise. I am thinking about getting back into nannying and I hope that becoming a parent myself will help me have more empathy for what my Nps go through day to day because I can finally relate. I hope this makes me a better nanny.
Mb hasnāt answered me in 4 hours
Today at 5 (the time Iām supposed to be off) NK asked what time MB would be home, I said ālatest 5:30 I thinkā and then NK says āoh I thought she was helping at DBs restaurant after workā. I texted. No answer. I called no answer. An hour passed. I texted again. Called again. Iām vegan and didnāt know Iād be staying this late so didnāt bring dinner. Nothing in this house is vegan besides fruit. Iām starving. Almost 2 hours late with not even a text explaining she forgot or asking if Iām okay with staying. Iām so upset right now Iām on the verge of crying. I had plans. I have another job and today was the only day Iād have time to do basic chores and cook for myself after work. All down the drain lol.
I called their friend bald
So, MB asked me if i could watch my regular NKās and their friends kids while all the parents went out for dinner. I do this often so I automatically agreed. MB has mentioned to me before that the dad of the other kids annoys her because he sometimes makes immature jokes. She was mostly venting so I didnāt think much of it. Last night, there was a concert. My partner was selling tees there, so I decided to go as well. My NF and their friends also went (one of their other friends owns the venue). I seen my NF at their table so I went over to say hello. MB introduces me as their nanny and says āthis is who will be watching the kids tomorrow.ā The dad (the one MB was ranting about) says āoh i didnāt know she was black. you have a black nanny. NO WAY!ā In my head I was just like WTF no he didnāt. So I said ānobody told me you were balding but I donāt think thatās something that really needs to be discussed now is it š?ā He looked so red and flustered as I said goodnight and walked away. Later that night, MB messaged me apologizing on his behalf and she said that he ādoesnāt feel comfortable having someone so hostile watching [his] kids.ā Then she told me she found someone else to cover. Was my reaction wrong? Could this hurt my job? I also feel weird about my NF not sticking up for me :( UPDATE: Wow, thank you for all of the support here šš¾! This is amazing. DB sent me a message yesterday morning and asked if him and MB could take me to breakfast and discuss what happened. I said yes obviously cause who knows where my position stood after this. We agreed to do brunch @11. We met out front, and already the vibes were tense. DB was clearly in his headāhis daze was far off and he does this thing when heās nervous and like ties his shoes constantly. MB was just making small talk asking how the rest of my night went. The host called to seat us, we spent time silently glancing over the laminated menu, and when the server came back we all ordered. After the server left, DB starts word vomiting: āIām sorry. Fuck, Iām so sorry this happened to you. Weāre embarrassed and we didnāt know that he would ever say something like that. We only found someone else to cover because we didnāt want to have you in an uncomfortable situation especially with a racist. But that DID NOT translate in my wifeās first message to you. God, iām so sorry. We hope that you still will work for us after this situation and it didnāt make you think of us differently. The kids need you. We need you and you are the person we want for the job. Your race never mattered to usāwell obviously it matters but like not in that way i mean in the way that like you are a black woman and iāll never understand what this world is like for youāI mightāve made that worse.ā I didnāt know I needed to see a white man grovel until then. My laughter eased the tension, and MB looked at me sincerely as she said āWe really are sorry. [their friend] wonāt be visiting us here anymore; Iām uncomfortable having racism around my children. They leave Mondayātomorrow is covered so donāt worry about it. We will pay you and add a bonus.ā I agreed to keep working for them as long as baldy apologized. They must have really pressed because by the time I made it home (I live 30 minutes away from the restaurant) another white man was groveling to me over the phone š.
I'm a bad nanny
I'm a bad nanny and I don't care. I've been lurking on the nanny subreddits ever since I started my job 2 months ago with now 10mo NK and just seeing posts from both employers and nannies about the job expectations I'm way under the bar, but I feel like some of the expectations are just over the top. At the end of the day we're all just people, like I genuinely don't understand. I want to prefix with the fact that I work for 2 WFH parents so I would hope if they had a problem with anything I do that they would say something but our arrangement seems fine. I have NK from 8:30am and I am never late but I'm also never early, sometimes I ring the doorbell at 8:30 on the dot bc you know what? I don't want to leave my cozy bed in the morning. I come in with messy hair sometimes because I didn't feel like taking a morning shower (sometimes I shower the night before and don't feel like doing it again in the morning just to fix the look of my curly hair). Who cares? The only people who are going to see me are NPs and NK and it's not like NK cares what my hair looks like. I check my phone regularly throughout the day. When NK is awake. That's right, I be on my phone and I don't care. Because I know you're not gonna sit here and tell me you don't check your phone throughout the day. It's not like I'm glued to it but if NK is munching on a toy ignoring my existence you better be damn sure I'm taking a second to text my girlfriend back. I nap with NK every day for both naps, I call that a job perk. I don't have any household responsibilities except for cleaning up NK's playroom and folding the occasional load of kid laundry so if everything is done, I'm napping. Why not? We take a walk every day from between 30 minutes to an hour and occasionally I call my girlfriend while we walk. I mean again, why not? I get to chat with my favorite person and NK seems way happier on walks when he can constantly hear my voice and I feel like an idiot talking to thin air to keep him happy. I can only go "wow you see that bird? How are you doing? Look a car!" So many times before I lose my mind. We only do like 1 "activity" a day because the set up takes longer than he'll actually play with it. So we spend most of the day in the playroom looking at colors and animals, playing catch, pretending to eat him, practicing standing, and chewing on toys. All in all, I just wanted to vent because I seem to be so far below the standard in this sub but I genuinely don't understand why it's a problem to take advantage of the freedom my job offers. The kid is 10mo it's not going to ruin him psychologically if I answer a text while he's happy and within my reach. I love my job, and I love NK and his parents. And I feel like it's okay for me to be human as long as NK is being cared for, stimulated, entertained, and watched.
I attended the funeral of a former NK this morning.
ETA: First off, whichever mod came thru clutch w that āsupport neededā flair, šš¼ Secondly, yāall. Thank you. Itās only been a couple of hours, but Iāve read every comment and your words have been so validating and valuable to me. I was seeking to be witnessed by people who know and understand this kind of love, and I feel seen here. I have an incredible husband who is holding space for me, and two best friends who would pick up on the second ring if I called, but while my husband can sympathize, he doesnāt speak this specific kind of grief-language. And my best friends are both first-time moms with a six month old and a two year old. I canāt just lay this at their feet without warning. What I needed was empathy from people who understand this specific shape of caregiving, the kind where the attachment is real and deep and stays with you even after the job ends. Also, because I am chronically online, as well as of the era where we didnāt think twice about posting our NKās online, (***theyāve been archived for years, donāt come for me) I fortunately still had access to all of the pictures I took of them from 2012 on and I printed out every single one of them, and put them in an envelope with a handwritten copy of a poem that I will share below, which is actually making me sob even harder now because I didnāt know about their new identity and developing personhood when I chose the poem, and that, as well as some other things that were referenced concerning their various names/nicknames during the eulogy, has really brought this full circle for me. Forever thankful to this community. ā„ļø Each of Us Has a Name by Zelda Schneerson Mishkovsky Each of us has a name given by God and given by our parents. Each of us has a name given by our stature and our smile and given by our clothing. Each of us has a name given by the mountains and given by our walls. Each of us has a name given by the stars and given by our neighbors. Each of us has a name given by our sins and given by our longing. Each of us has a name given by our enemies and given by our love. Each of us has a name given by our celebrations and given by our work. Each of us has a name given by the seasons and given by our blindness. Each of us has a name given by the sea and given by our death āāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāāā tbh none of those flairs feel appropriate, maybe we need a āmoral supportā option idk So yeah. I was with this fam in some capacity between the years 2012-2015, two kids, awesome parents, we had a stellar employer/employee relationship but I also just genuinely liked them as people. When the kids were old enough for full-time school I was still their standing Saturday-date-night sitter until we gradually fell out of touch. At the beginning of last years school year, my current eldest NK started kindergarten at the school former MB works at, and it was a very joyous, exciting reunion. I made sure to take NK by her office to introduce them to each other, and since then Iāve seen her no less than 3x a week at pickup. This is a private school, and I get auto-forwarded all emails and on Tuesday I received one with info and details for the service, links to the memorial page, etc. It was a shock, of course. I attended the service this morning. And it was awful. Gut wrenching. Like, thereās no other way to describe it. It didnāt matter that I hadnāt actually seen the kids in 10+ years. No one should have to attend a 16 year olds funeral. I wonāt go into detail out of respect for the family, but their death wasnāt an accident. And that partā¦. These parents loved and accepted their child so wholeheartedly for who they were, and I learned today that who they were went by a different name and identity than who I knew them as as a child, but they were still that same kind, bright, voracious, empathetic soul that I knew and loved and cared for all those years ago. But still, they were consumed by the darkness. And now theyāre gone. And I find myself struggling with who to turn to, who to share this grief with, because of course there are people in my life today who knew me when I was their nanny, who heard the stories of their antics, who saw the photos and watched the videos I used to take of our adventures together. But how is anyone besides a fellow nanny going to understand how this pain feels? Itās not the pain of parents, not by a longshot, not even close. But itās not the pain of say, a former teacher, of an acquaintance. This unique relationship that we form one-on-one with these children, the trust that they place in us, the love that we give them as we care for them in those early years, and the love that we receive from them in return creates such a special bond that has become that much more sacred to me today, it has deepened today in a way that I didnāt know was possible. Iām suddenly strikingly aware of the weight of not just my influence upon these children, but of their influence upon me. Tonight, I made my current NKās Nutella pancakes with whipped cream and sprinkles for dinner. Iām normally a protein-fruit-veggie set up kind of nanny, Iām stricter about sweets than their own parents. But tonight, I just wanted to create a happy memory, I just wanted us to be able to live joyfully in that moment. I just want T.R.L to know that I will never forget them, and how thankful I am for those blissfully silly days we spent together. May their memory be a blessing. May that blessing be light.
Too early for all of this!
I (nanny) drive an old car. DB saw me getting out of it and ambushed me over breakfast with a lecture about being āresponsibleā with my $$ so I can buy āniceā things. In front of his preteens. Sir, your parents paid the deposit on your house, and for the landscaping and cleaning services AND tuition for your kidsā private schools. MB rushed into the room, sent me $100 through Venmo and said āPls donāt leave! DB is an *ssholeā. Iām just over here trying to work!
Unpopular opinion: I donāt want to play in the snow with your kids.
Being practically forced to work on a snow day (parents called & said if i donāt get a ride / drive myself, they will come pick me up⦠all while not getting the early morning hours payed for because it was literally too dangerous for ANYONE to drive) despite the schools being out & practically every business closed- I do NOT want to take your kids out in the snow! If youāre home because YOUR work is also closed, feel free to have a snow day with your children. Nannies donāt have an endless supply of dry clothes & snow pants / snow boots to change in and out of when going out in the snow. But guess who does? THE PARENTS. Youāre in the comfort of your own home and I am not. Sorry for the rant, I really just canāt wait to leave the hell-spawn family I work for currently.
I love guaranteed hours š
NPs just let me know they will be out of town from Dec 15 - Jan 2, giving me 3 paid weeks off and theyāre not making me use any of my PTO. Iām so excited, planning to go out of town with my partner who is a teacher and will have a lot of time off too. They are genuinely my unicorn family, so generous and thoughtful. The family I was with before them was so stingy and would nickel-and-dime me over *everything*. I feel so lucky I found this family! Is anyone else getting time off for the holidays?
I'm out āš¼
If you've been around here for a while, you know my stories. I often delete after a while because I know DB is on Reddit and I'm not trying to lose my job. After today though, I'm going home and applying for jobs in my new field, final certifications be damned. NF was on vacation for two weeks in Europe. When they don't bring me, my jobs are house-sitting and feeding their cats. I love their house and their cats, and I'm studying a lot right now, so this was great. MB sent me a list of tasks including organizing NK's playrooms (yes, rooms) and books (which is hilarious because I keep those books Dewey decimaled and every night DB takes 10-15 books out and shoves them back wherever he feels like it) and I did them all. Snuggled the cats. Supervised the cleaners and contractors they had coming in and out. Organized the mail. I spent 10 hours at their house yesterday cleaning, organizing, and prepping for them. This morning I woke up to the world's nastiest email from MB telling me it looked like I left their plants to die (when I tell you that my plants are my children and I would NEVER let someone's die - I watered those plants!) that the cleaners either did a bad job or I "failed to supervise them correctly" and that "it's a lot of work to write down the expectations" and "it looks like I ignored them" GIRL. I have never in my life felt so gut punched. I cried in my car. I do Not want to be here today. Anything else has to be better than this.
Overpaid for Weekend Trip
Just had to come back on here and brag! I originally charged this family $1300 for a 4 day 3 night stay in New Hampshire but when they came back mom handed me $1,700 CASH! She told me her oldest son (13) called her and told her how much he loved having me over š„ŗ the mom said she was so happy her kids felt so safe with me and wanted to show her appreciation. 4 kids in total. Oldest is 13 youngest is 2. Easy peasy kids. Could work with them for a lifetime š„¹. It is way too much money but she insisted I take all of it. $400 extra šš! So proud of myself. Feel free to share brags in the comments š© Iām in such a great f*cking mood!!
Fought with MB and quit with no notice
I was with this NF for 5 months, and I quit yesterday after a shocking argument with MB. Iām still processing, and the memories of yesterday keep flashing through my mind so Iām hoping if I write it out and tell you all about it I can start to move on. So, here goes. This is gonna be a long one folks! Some context leading up to quitting: A couple weeks ago everyone in my NF got the flu, both MB and DB and NK2.5 + NK9mo. I continued working and just wore a mask and tried to grin and bare in, even though I am immunocompromised and get sick pretty easily. I know working with sick kids comes with the territory. They live in a smallish 2 bedroom apartment so when NPs are home from work due to illness or some other reason, weāre basically on top of each other. That week was honestly hell. My mental health was really taking a toll. Caring for sad/sick baby, having to listen to DB cough and sneeze (unmasked) while watching loud movies on the couch, not 10 feet from the kitchen where I have to feed NK, instead of having the courtesy to stay isolated in his bedroom. And I also had family assistant duties, including cooking dinner for them every night and keeping the house organized and tidy, so I was cleaning up extra clutter and dishes and dirty tissues left on tables. I spent a couple nap times crying in the bathroom. But I didnāt complain, because I never do, because for whatever reason I tend to kiss ass when Iām nannying because I want to keep the job and I want them to⦠like me? Idk, I just have a really hard time sticking up for myself or setting boundaries when Iām feeling overworked. The following week, I come down with the flu, and I stayed home W, Th, F. They didnāt apologize for getting me sick (usually NFs will at least say sorry as a courtesy??) and just said āoh no feel betterā. So flash forward to yesterday, Monday, I let them know that Iām feeling well enough to work again. I get there and they tell me NK2.5 has a high fever and threw up Sunday night and Monday morning, so sheās staying home from preschool and MB will be home all day too. I immediately start panicking internally, thinking, oh wonderful, im gonna get some type of stomach bug now before Iām even able to fully recover from the flu. And Iām also pissed because I have it in my contract that if the kids are vomiting, having diarrhea, or high fever, I donāt work. So about 20 minutes into my shift I get up the courage to talk to MB about the situation. I calmly let her know that Iām really worried about getting another illness and I really wish someone wouldāve let me know about NK vomiting before I showed up, and sited my contract. I asked if I could perhaps stay for half of my shift, focusing on household duties, and then leave early to have minimal contact with the kids. As SOON as I started to express frustration, MBās entire demeanor shifted from her typical happy/bubbly to angry/panicky/weepy. She said that NK only through up āa very small amountā and āit was probably just because she was carsick and then because she was coughing so muchā. Like, girlie, come on. Kids donāt have a high fever and barf multiple times unless they are ill. She said that theyāve been so sad without me and that theyāre sorry IF they got me sick, but they donāt know what theyāre supposed to do for backup care (even though they have a set of grandparents that live in the same apartment building and they watch the kids all the time. When I started this job the grandma even said to me āyou donāt have to worry about staying home when youāre sick because you have us to help pick up the slack!ā). MB seemed offended that I brought up my contract and said that maybe we needed a new contract or a āNEW NANNYā! So at this point Iām kind of in shock that she basically just threatened to fire me. This was literally our first confrontation ever, all communication up until this point was pleasant and kind, even if just surface level. I guess treating me with respect and kindness only went so far, and once I caused any inconvenience for them that just went out the window. She also said that theyāve been giving my unlimited sick days, as if that was proof that they treat me so well and I should not enforce my rules that I have in place to protect myself. Btw, the unlimited sick days thing was never discussed. In my contract I get 1 sick day every 3 months, and in my 5 months with them I called out maybe 4 times, and they just let the automatic full weeks pay go through on Homepay without saying anything to me. They are very very wealthy, like, DB is a founder of a very successful tech company, so I figured they were just being kind and wouldnāt miss the money. But I guess resentment was building. But I am SO proud of myself for how to handled the situation. I knew that my boundaries had been crossed and that this job was no longer worth putting up with this. So I told her that āmy number one priority is MY well-being, and MY health, not YOUR feelings.ā I said āI know itās hard, and I want to work with you to make this situation work for everyone, but as a parent it is your responsibility to find backup care when your nanny is sick or needs to stay away from your very sick children.ā She couldnāt really argue with that, so she just said āfine, what do you wanna do then?! I guess you can just leave and weāll pay you for the hours you were here today but the rest will be on YOUR dime.ā She was crying, I was shaking and could feel my heart beating out of my chest, so I told her I was going to step away for a few minutes so we both could calm down. I took the baby out in the stroller and called my partner to figure out what to do, and we decided that it was time for me to quit. I figured it was a very real possibility that they were already looking to replace me and it was only a matter of time before I got fired. I also just didnāt see a way forward after this argument, I knew I would be so anxious to come into work everyday that it would make me feel ill. When I went back in MB had closed herself and NK2.5 in the bedroom, so I gathered all of my things and put my bag by the front door. I said a tearful goodbye to sweet little NK9mo, and knocked on the bedroom door. I handed MB the baby and said āIām so sorry, but this isnāt working out. I canāt work somewhere that my health and well-being is sacrificed, and where Iām given a hard time for trying to advocate for myself. This is the last time youāll see me. I wish you guys the best of luck.ā MB looked like she was about to burst into tears and just said āokayā. And then I walked out the front door and didnāt look back. I think thereās a few things to learn from this. 1. Communicate EARLY, BEFORE resentment builds. Maybe we couldāve salvaged this if they hadnāt been begrudgingly paying me for unlimited sick days, or if I had spoken up about setting some in house boundaries when parents are home sick. Not that those are the only reasons I quit, but the little things really fester if you donāt talk about them. I do think the responsibility of communicating is on all parties, but I think itās a little more on the NPs side because theyāre the bosses. I donāt think enough NPs realize that they are signing on to be a BOSS in a WORKPLACE and they need to act professionally. 2. When possible, put yourself first. Nannies are in a tough spot where we are at the bottom of a power dynamic with our NPs and the only advocate we have is ourselves. And self advocating is a skill that needs to be practiced. My human needs come before my nanny responsibilities. I live by that now, but when I started nannying I didnāt realize how important that was. Boundaries boundaries boundaries! 3. Itās just a job. Thereās so many emotions mixed in because our work can be very intimate by nature, but we cannot be expected to just serve our NFs unconditionally. Just like any corporate environment, if my working conditions are emotionally volatile and my bosses treat my health with little regard, thatās not okay and Iām gonna leave! 4. If NPs are literally falling apart when their nanny is out sick, that is too much pressure on the nanny and they need to reevaluate some things. Thanks for reading if you somehow managed to get through all that šā¤ļø I have this page to thank for teaching me a lot of valuable lessons that helped me navigate this situation. Now Iām gonna give myself some time to binge watch my favorite shows and snuggle my cats.
List of families I will never work for again:
Writing this as a fun reminder if I am ever desperate for work :) - people with dogs (unless itās small and chill) - WFH parents - doesnāt live in a walkable area - prioritizes aesthetics over functionality - refuses to baby proof - first time parents with an infant - people who donāt take safety seriously - wonāt do a contract - getting a ton of renovations on their home and have workers constantly - micromanagers - helicopter parents Is this too much? Hahahahah Iām jaded after years of bad experiences
NM sent a text about me to me on accident
Meant MB in title* Needing advice and to rant. She sent this this morning: āWell, I guess let me clarify it. She has to go. I'm not gonna write out step-by-step. How to make fucking dinner or write out a list of things like put the vacuum away or clean a handprint off the fucking bathroom mirror so we need to find childcare for ___ and ___ for three days a week because Julie doesn't have any availability and she probably won't for like two years and when I mentioned something to your mom yesterday, she didn't say a single thing about Watching them even for one day so l'm not gonna ask her to watch them.ā The āsheā is me. Julie is the daycare provider. I watch two kids during the day (1.5 and 3) and two more after school (5 and 9) for $18 an hour. Also, the vacuum was out when I got there, I didnāt take it out, I didnāt know if it was there for a reason or not so I just left it, since I didnāt get it out I didnāt even think twice about putting it away. In our contract it said I would be responsible for dishes and tasks that she listed out but now she is saying she doesnāt have the time to make a list and that I should just clean the messes I didnāt make or didnāt happen while I was there (Iām focused on the be kids and not the things that need to be cleaned). Iāve been doing their dishes from the night before (adults and kids), all of their laundry, and sweeping and mopping occasionally. The kids are really picky and when I try to make them dinner, they say they want mom and dads cooking or they want something else and they wonāt eat what I make them. Thatās why I wanted a list of dinners they like and how to make them the way they like (so they will eat it). Iām at a loss as this was really hurtful to hear since she hasnāt communicated these things to me before. I feel like Iām going slightly above what we agreed upon and sheās thinking Iām doing less than what sheās paying for. She felt really bad after she sent it and realized her mistake, but itās hard to look past. Any advice on what to do? We talked it out a bit but Iām feeling like this might be the end for me as it seems like sheās wanting more help cleaning and Iām more focused on just watching the kids and cleaning the messes we make. *UPDATE*: I sent a text saying Iād help until she found a replacement, she said that it was a blessing in disguise that it was sent bc she wouldnāt have been able to tell me how she felt otherwise. She said sheād understand if I wanted to be done but also said sheād be willing to work something out if I wanted that also. I sent this in response: āI think we should talk specifics out in person, but Iām thinking it would be best for both of us if I transitioned out of this role. I donāt feel like I can adequately or confidently provide the help youāre looking for. In my previous roles, I was mostly responsible for cleaning the dishes we used and picking up the messes we made throughout the day. I was mostly sticking to the contract we came up with. I feel awful about this because I know how much you have on your plate, but I also want to be honest about where Iām at. I completely understand that your message was in the heat of the moment, and I know youāve been under a lot of stress. That said, I worry that Iāll feel like Iām walking on eggshells or needing to go beyond my role in order to be useful. I donāt want either of us to feel like weāre settling, snd I think someone else might be a better fit for what youāre looking for.ā We talked this morning and she said she will probably just take off work for three days a week rather than finding a replacement because they will need to find someone for all four the entire day in the summer. So she left it up to me if I wanted to work for two weeks if I needed the money or if I wanted today to be my last day. I plan on texting her that today will be my last day. DB and MB own an insurance business so she has a flexible work schedule.
MB going through purse (Update)
Hi everyone, First of all I want to say thank you to all of other nannies here for their advice on what to do in this situation. If it wasnāt for you guys, I wouldnāt have the proof that I have now. My original post was so long ago and I apologize for the late update. Iām just now getting to the point where I can talk about what happened without getting extremely upset. I also had some failed attempts when trying to catch MB in the act (I bought a spy pen to put inside my purse but it didnāt work so I ended up getting a Ring camera). I caught MB opening and going through my purse clear as freaking day!!! And the time stamp shows that she did it while I was on a walk with NK, just like I suspected. Once I found out, I told her I wanted to speak with her that night after NK went to bed for two reasons: 1) I knew I was going to get loud and angry and I didnāt want NK to see that and 2) I knew that after this conversation, I wasnāt setting foot in that house again. Went I confronted her, she denied it until I told her that the Ring camera she found in there was actually recording her. I showed her the footage too. All I remember is that she turned bright red. Everything she said after that point was a blur because I was already planning on quitting once I saw that footage. This MB has been horrible as an employer but very passive aggressive about it, and this was the last straw!! I canāt even put into words how disrespected I feel!!
i quit my job
25F I worked as a nanny making $1500 a month. Today was my first day at my new nanny job making 100k salary in a better location now with holiday pay and vacation hours bonuses etc I have seriously prayed for times like these, I have genuinely felt for a majority of my life that I deserve to live in poverty. This has been so eye opening for me, I feel like a brand new person. Iām so so so grateful. Everyone in my family have been crying and congratulating me, telling me how much I deserve it⦠it doesnāt feel real.
Do any other nannies completely hate actually playing with kids?
Iāve been a nanny for 7 years and consider it my career, so maybe this sounds crazy but I hate playing with kids! Everything else is just fine with me ā potty training, cooking, going on outings, teaching, reading, arts and crafts, singing Iāll do no problem. But I canāt stand playing. Cars, trucks, dress-up, imaginary play, playing in the backyard, I hate it! Itās my least favorite part of this job; so mind-numbingly boring and it makes time crawl. My NK got a new train set and itās all she wants to do. Itās absolute torture for me. Can anyone else relate?
She told him!
Exposition: In our field we encounter a lot of successful adults. We work for them. And I love this because I feel like I have an endless supply of people I can look to for advice. Though I stopped working for her 3 years ago I often still seek advice from my first MB. Well I have similar relationships with my new NPs. My boyfriend came to my place of work (someoneās house) to talk to my MB about his career. She is in a similar field and offered to have a meeting with him to answer any questions he may have and give him some advice. While he was there I was playing in the living room with my NK. (We were playing with remote control cars. I had a police car and kept chasing after him) my bf saw this and jokingly said to my MB āyou pay her for this?ā Regardless that she knew he was joking she very seriously told him āshe has the most important job of anyone I pay. She keeps him happy, occupied, and out of my hair while I work. Her job is important.ā I love that woman. (She also keeps Dr Pepper stocked in the fridge for me so shouts out) Edit* Just to clear the air. My partner is a walking green flag through and through. He knows my job is not always having fun and messing around. He has, on multiple occasions, told me that he could never do what I do. His comment was a joke. Nothing more, . Donāt get your feathers ruffled over it. This was a MB brag not a boyfriend rant.
Weirdest thing NF has ever accused you of?
Itās been a long time since I was a nanny but Iāll never forget the nanny family that made me quit after 10 years of doing it professionally. This story isnāt the straw that broke the camels back but it definitely made me finally start to consider a career change. I had a MB accuse me of stealing her husbandās sunglassesā¦but not outright. The conversation went like this: Me: *walks into work with sunglasses on my head like I do every morning* MB: *stares angrily at said sunglasses* Nice sunglasses! Me: Thanks! Theyāre my favorite *confused at the angry stare* MB: My husband lost a pair exactly like that a few weeks ago Me: Oh? Around the house? I can help look for them! MB: Weāre not sure. But they look exactly like the ones on your head. Me: *pulls them off head to show her the major scratches on the lenses from 4 years of constant use* Exactly like these? Are they beat up like mine? MB: They werenāt when he lost themā¦. *still staring at me angrily* Me: Ohā¦ok. Well Iāll keep an eye out!! MB: Iāll tell DB you have a pair of sunglasses exactly like his. How bizarre! When did you say you got them again? Me: I didnāt. But about 4 years ago, I wear them daily. Theyāre great sunglasses Iām sure DB is definitely missing his! MB: He may just steal them back! Me: ummmm what? *laughs nervously* he doesnāt want these beat up old things! MB: *Scoffs and storms off* UMMMMM. The audacity!? They were an old wire style of Rayban sunglasses. The family was very well off so Iām sure DB had a newer, nicer version. Mine were seriously beat to hell, a friend ran over them with their truck and I had to bend them back into place but I LOVED those things. Wore them every day and came in with them on my head every morning and sat them on the counter next to my coffee mug and keys every day from the very beginning. I was sooooo shocked that she accused me of stealing them but in her passive aggressive way she always communicated with me. To this day I wonder if he ever found his sunglasses and if his wife ever felt like an ass for the way she treated me. I made sure to wear them on my head every chance I got around her just to prove I had nothing to hide. I actually quit a week later when they got crazy mad (had the grandma I never met call to berate me?) because I couldnāt accommodate a last minute schedule change. That family left such a bad taste in my mouth I never went back to nannying, just found a new career. Anyways⦠any crazy stories?
AIO Live-In Nanny Got 2 Dogs Without Asking Us
Someone talk me down here before I lose my mind because my husband is making me feel like I'm over reacting. We have a live-in Nanny who has been with us for 2 years. I feel okay about her. The kids love her (6f and 4f - and we're about to have a baby next month). She lives in her own separate apartment above the garage but it is only accessible through the garage so it's private. We have 4 dogs - 2 big and 2 small. She doesn't take care of them at all. When we go on vacation or leave to visit family (which is about 6-8 weeks per year, spread out) she still gets regularly paid (on salary) and we hire a dog sitter to stay in our space and watch our dogs. We always got the feeling she didn't like animals. We were once stuck and asked if she could watch them for a weekend and she asked what we would pay her (on top of already getting paid) so I said nvm and figured it out. Anyway, it turns out that she got TWO small breed PUPPIES over Christmas. She didn't tell us or ask us. My husband just told me. For some background, she caused a lot of damage (5k+) to our wood floors and bathrooms in our old house just through carelessness. So I asked him the following questions: \- When they cause damage in her attic space, who will repair it? \- Where will these dogs go out to pee? Are they going to be outside our house? Coming in through our open doors into our house? Or is she planning on having them completely pee and poop upstairs? And then put the garbageā¦where? \- And when they have to be alone all day and arenāt potty trained, where are they peeing upstairs? On our furniture and rugs? \- Or is she planning on moving the kids upstairs and not doing their curriculum so that she can watch her dogs? I have received no answers but am made to feel like I am over reacting. This is really getting under my skin though. Someone talk me down.
"I'm going to tell my mom you touched my penis"
Edited to add: the mom happens to be my sister in laws boss at her corporate job (didn't know until today) so I need to be careful how I handle this. I (28F) am a career nanny in between full time roles-next role starts in August. In the meantime, I've been picking up random babysitting gigs. I agreed to a three day job this week for a mom I connected with via a Facebook childcare group. I'm watching one boy, age 8. Today was the first of the three days, and it's been...not great. The mom seems super nice, and the kid was sweet at first, but has showed some really concerning and just disrespectful behavior. The day started with him refusing to do his summer workbook page (his mom said he needed to do it before he is allowed to have any screen time). I sat down next to him to help him with it and he started crying and ran up to his room, locking the door. I went up and talked to him through the door, telling him he needed to unlock it for safety reasons. He refused. I tried to coax him out with reminders of all the fun we would get to have today but he refused. Not sure what else to do, I decided to just wait him out downstairs and figured he just needed a few mins alone to process his emotions (I was in communication with the mom letting her know the situation and making sure there was nothing dangerous in his room). Sure enough, after about ten mins he came back down and begrudgingly did the worksheet. Unfortunately, the day hasn't gotten much better from there. I have done my best to give this kid a fun summer day. We rode bikes, played some outdoor sports, I played him in video games, took him to get ice cream, and spent a good two hours at the local rec center racing him on the track, playing, basketball etc. Despite all this, he has continued to be really disrespectful and defiant. he kept getting off his bike, sitting by the road, and refusing to move. Aside from just straight up ignoring my directions, he keeps saying he "wants to get me fired" or he is going to "tell his parents I was cussing" and even worse, "tell his parents I touched his penis so I can't be a babysitter anymore". What the actual hell ... I've kept my cool while he called me fat, and other stupid names kids call people like "butt pincher" or "miss butt face". He's also hidden my things several times, ran off with the spending money his parents gave me and was playing keep away with it. He thinks it's funny. At lunch time he asked me if I had a husband. I said "no, but I have a boyfriend". He teased me a bit. And then I jokingly said "do you have a girlfriend?!" He started CRYING and ran up to his room and locked his door again. I was so confused. I went up there, apologized for upsetting him/hurting this feelings and explained i just thought we were joking around. He said he was going to tell his parents how mean I am. I'm at a loss here. Obviously kids say weird stuff sometimes and are known to press boundaries, but this behavior seems to be crossing the line to me, particularly the comments about getting me fired or making false claims about me. I'm super uncomfortable. Advise on what to do? I really could use the money and I want to honor my commitment to work the other two days this week. I'm considering just finishing that out and then just not sitting for them again, but I'm not sure if I'm being dramatic about this? Is this type of behavior worth bringing up to the mom for just a one time gig?
Nannying changed my views on parenthood in a big way
I always daydreamed about the perfect family and having 2 kids, had the cliche list of baby names on my phone/Pinterest boards of cute nurseries and everything. My own mom gushed about her motherhood experience and it just seemed so natural to one day become a mother too. I loved kids and nannying felt like the right career choice, and I honestly still feel this way. What I NEVER expected was to have the life altering realization that kids are actually not a good idea (for me personally) and now I can solidly say I am childfree by choice. Most see the glamorized view of parenthood and (if youāre in a heterosexual relationship) fall in love with the concept of carrying 1/2 of your partner, having a mini me etc. What they donāt consider is everything that could go wrong, how their own unhealed traumas can be re-triggered through parenthood, how it often irrevocably impacts your physical/mental/financial health, how it alters each and every one of your relationships and not always in a good way (whether it be family friends or partner), the 24/7 GRIND that is parenting, how ābreaksā from parenting can still be stress and guilt inducing, and how until your last breathe you are a parent and that it is truly a lifelong commitment. All of this I have seen firsthand. On top of this, people dive into parenthood without a drop of early childhood education/child development background, assuming that learning the basics/keeping the kid alive will be enough for them to eventually integrate into society as a well adjusted adult (newsflash-the bare minimum is not enough). And donāt even get me started on the children born with any sort of disability/special needs (because this is a real risk many never consider). I do not buy into the religious rhetoric telling us to ābe fruitful and multiplyā and I sincerely think the propaganda should be more like āhey!! Thinking of having kids?? Think twice!ā. So many unfit parents in the world is truly why I think our society is as broken as it is. As a nanny for an UHNW family with 24/7 coverage, I have dealt with the brunt of what parenthood is, and this shit is not fulfilling/satisfying in the way the media portrays and is such a thankless job (and I get paid!!!). I could simply not imagine enduring my long shifts after being up all night too (I understand kids eventually sleep through the night, but sickness/nightmares etc can still disrupt sleep). My nervous system is wrecked from the crying, itās difficult to eat/go to the bathroom with clingy toddlers, and (as a parent) your life and anything you value is put on the backburner when kids are involved (unless you have a fleet of nannies-which TRUST me, brings a wholeee new set of issues to the table). I do believe kids should be the #1 priority for any parent and that is why I canāt have any. I would love my child so much I would forget about myself, then probably feel guilty for wanting a break but desperately needing it. Looking back at my moms description of parenthood I understand why it fulfilled her, she did not have a happy life before and her family āsavedā her in a sense, and she never really had a desire for nice things or ātreating herselfā so financial sacrifice was easy. I am quite different, I value my time, money, self identity and overall autonomy wayyyy too much. It saddens me to browse āregretful parentsā on Reddit or any social media platforms where parents complain and often say they werenāt warned about x y z. I wish becoming a parent was not the default choice, because Iād say 75% of the population is unfit for one reason or another. I think children deserve the absolute best and especially in this world, should ONLY be born to knowledgeable, emotionally healthy, financially stable individuals who are completely on board to selflessly care for their child no matter what. And this is NOT to say money is a deciding factor because as this sub proves, money does not necessarily make a good parent either. The point is I never expected to feel this way but I do, if anybody else has similar experiences Iād love to hear them
Nanny spends her own money on my kids
Ok this might not sound like a major issue but I donāt want it to become one. Our nanny takes care of our 2 children, and has been with us for 3 years. She brings them to lots of fantastic places, and routinely spends her personal money on things for our kids. Examples: - They stop at Starbucks on the way to an activity and she buys each kid a small treat. - They go to the museum and she will pay for the kidsā entry using cash we leave her, but pay for her admission using her own money. - Sheāll buy crafts or activities for the kids on her personal trip to Target, the supermarket, etc and refuse reimbursement. We appreciate everything she does and have expressed (on multiple occasions!) that we want to cover the costs incurred while she is taking care of our kids. She is routinely spending 1-3 hours of her salary per week doing this. How can we encourage her to spend our money instead of hers? Or should we not care if she doesnāt? Things weāve tried: - leaving an envelope with ~$100-150 cash for her to access for any reason. - offered to leave her a credit card (but she said does not feel comfortable with that). - buying memberships and gift cards to the places they frequent. Is there a standard that Iām missing here? Insight from nannies or nanny families would be appreciated.
I feel uneasy about this.
So, I accepted a live-In Nanny position. I thought we agreed on $10 an hour(although my profile clearly stayed $17/hr). So I get there and start working. I knew that I would have to work around the clock some days as parent travels. What I didn't know was that my work day could be as long as 12 hours or longer. The parent setup automatic payments, so I went to discuss how that would work with fluctuating hours. Turns out parent thought we agreed to $1600 a month. I had to explain to her that with the hours she wanted me to work that would come out to a little under $5/hr or lower depending on the week, which is below minimum wage. We got it figured out(salary still lower than the $10/hr I first agreed to) but I am still shaken by the fact someone was trying to pay me below minimum wage while expecting me to work in any given week over 60 hours. My typical day is 12 hours w/ an hour lunch. There is generous PTO involved and yes room and board is free, but still it didn't sit right with me. Edit: Grateful for all the validation for feeling a way about it. I was having feelings of guilt for my uneasiness.
UPDATE: Nanny letting little girl pee herself at the park
My original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/s/svRpKSEoNI A few days after posting that, the girlās mom gave me a call on a weekday evening. I told her all that I could, letting her know what I did and didnāt hear, everything I witnessed and how her nanny acted. I wish I could say that the mom sounded shocked and appalled, but she did not. She explained that when they hired their nanny (giving her the fake name Tina) they were just looking for reliability. Tina is a career nanny who has children and grandchildren of her own. Tina very clearly did not have the capacity, in her older age, to care for two rambunctious toddlers but they needed her. The mom explained that in the two years Tina has worked for them, she has never called off (Which is a red flag to me because has she not gotten sick in two years?!). The mom then went on to say that as the kids have gotten older, itās become more obvious that Tina is no longer equipped. The mom ever stated herself that Tina would be a better fit for an infant. She then went on to explain that they had coincidentally just hired a new nanny and were planning on giving Tina her two weeks notice the following Monday. Even though the mom didnāt seem surprised, she was extremely kind, thanked me, even asked if she could keep my number for occasional babysitting gigs. After the phone call, I was a bit confused at her reaction but thrilled that something was being done for these kids. Flash forward two and a half months to today: Tina is still nannying the children. I have seen them a handful of times throughout the neighborhood. One time the little girl even came up to me saying āI know you but I donāt know how!ā My heart breaks for these two little ones. I wish there was a way I could knock some sense into the parents, but I know that I did what I could and itās no longer on me. How you could let your nanny continue knowing that she blatantly neglects your children to the point that other people notice is beyond me. And to all those people who told me to āmind my businessā, shame on you. It takes a village to raise children, and sometimes that village includes people in the neighborhood and community looking out for them. I will speak up EVERY SINGLE TIME for children who are being mistreated, especially by a paid caregiver whose job it is to protect and nurture.
Nanny mom influencer
so my nanny mom is starting an influencing career, which is great for her but driving me nuts. Her whole niche is parenting yet Iām with the kids 50 hrs a week and then a babysitter comes another 10 hours. She has no idea how to parent. Aside from that she is posting the activities i do with the kids and pushing me to get ācandidā photos. Even sending us outside just to take photos. The kids hate every part of it and Iām left with the temper tantrums. Iām seeking any advice please i love the kids and want to keep the job but im going a little insane.
April fools! Your sub hasnāt had moderators!
We got the strangest April Fools joke, being accepted to moderate a sub with over 72 thousand members, that hasnāt had an actual moderator in⦠well a really long time. So what's the first order of business? -The moderator messages? - average 3 a day every day for the last who knows how long since they were read -Reported comments? Over one thousand of them -That new post that has over a hundred comments? I think itās safe to say that we were a bit overwhelmed. Due to the personal nature of our jobs and lack of regulatory standards, this industry is very fragmented, with very little structure, and no clear correct way. There is no HR department and very little legislation to help us, we need to help each other! We understand the value that this community has for so many. And we also understand that the subreddit is not in a good place. We have already heard from many members on what can be improved, and we are taking that input to heart. Our goal over the next couple months is to transform this space into a thriving, nanny focused, space. While we want to provide support and education to nanny families our primary goal is to create a supportive and educational environment for nannies, first and foremost. Not more than 48 hours into modding the sub (less for some), we were handed our first big decision. You likely saw a post from a user who had created a new sub for career nannies. Exciting, right?! We thought so too. Until we thought about it, and discussed it as a group. We know that career nannies are a massive asset to our community, and the knowledge they bring to the table is key to our success. With some new moderating, rules, and routine changes, we really think that everyone can coexist and enjoy the sub together. We realized that before we endorse a sub just for career nannies that was created because of problems in this sub, we wanted the opportunity to make changes to the sub. For these reasons, amongst others, we have decided we will not be accepting recruitment or advertising posts on this sub for the foreseeable future. Our goal is to create a space that is free from drama and judgement. Even when child safety comes first, we can still speak to each other in a way that would make the children we raise proud of us. We donāt want to take the fun out of the sub, a bit of sass and an occasional curse word is fine. But we still want to stand by our number one rule. Be kind. Each of us asked to moderate the sub because we value the community past just a subreddit. We appreciate the value and sense of community that it brings to many people, people who participate in a luxury service that many donāt understand or respect. So who are the people who are going to try to get this sub where it deserves to be? u/NannyDearest : I'm CJ. I was a nanny and estate manager for more than 15 years before having my own child and staying home with them. That was 8 years ago! Since then, I've shifted careers but am still close friends with many people from my nanny community and really enjoy sharing the knowledge and passion I have for child development and caregiving. My hope is to help make this sub better than it ever was, and recreate a space that feels safe and nurturing for all nannies, no matter what stage of their career they find themselves in. u/Chiffero : I go by Chiffero or Chiff- I have a pretty diverse background, including horseback riding, chronic illness, insurance, cats, fish, video games, and of course kids. I have been a nanny pretty consistently for the last 5 years and don't see myself leaving the field for a while. My favorite age is newborn to 3 years, and my favorite part of raising children is helping them learn and express boundaries and preferences! Iām also dyslexic and really struggle with punctuation so please be patient with me. u/Beautiful-Mountain73 : Iām G and Iāve been a nanny for a little over 4 years! I took a brief break last year to work at a forensic psychology office so my work experience has been interesting to say the least. My hobbies include photography, penpal-ing, scrapbooking, and baking! I hope to be able to help make some positive changes in this sub and create a supportive space for all of you! u/Diligent-Dust9457 : Iām AK! I am an artist, CPST, and full time nanny of almost 9 years. I am very passionate about early childhood education and believe strongly in helping children grow into respectful, compassionate, well rounded humans. I am based in the USA but travel both on my own and with my nfs. u/Every_Tangerine_5412 : I'm Tangerine, full-time working mom of 4, and long-time nanny employer. I fully believe that nannies deserve respect, thriving wage pay, and to be taken seriously as the invaluable childcare professionals that you all are. I want to help guide this community to become a kind, helpful place for both new and career nannies - a place to find camaraderie as well as resources for best-practices in both childcare and advocating for fair working conditions. This sub has become one of the world's primary resources to help change the industry for the better, and it is an honor to be a part of it and to volunteer to help mod this wonderful community.
Nanny not happy with travel rooming arrangements
Cross Posting: My lovely live-in nanny is joining me on a 4 week work trip to Japan. Sheās gone before and was given her own room and bathroom within our hotel. This time my girlfriend and her two sisters are joining us as well. We have two side by side two bedroom hotel suites. My girlfriend, daughter and I will stay in one suite and my girlfriendās two sisters and our nanny will be in the other. Our nanny will have her own room and bathroom and the sisters will share a room and bathroom. They will all share a kitchen and living space. My nanny does not seem happy about this situation. Iāve offered the three alternatives; - she stays in our hotel in my daughters room - I book her another hotel where she gets her own room (itās far smaller and not as nice as our current hotel but she wouldnāt have to share any space). - I give her the month (November) off paying her guaranteed hours and allowing her to visit her family. She doesnāt seem happy with any option and Iām beyond frustrated. I cannot budget booking a third suite in our current hotel. Yes. She is being paid hourly when she works on top of a weekly salary for coming with us on the trip. Can anyone help me brainstorm some more ideas? Sheās wonderful with my daughter and I want to keep her happy. My girlfriend and her sisters will be going as well and thatās non-negotiable.
NPs upset I canāt get to work because of the flash flooding in my area.
The town I live in got hit was SO MUCH rain. There were flash floods all over. I work an hour from work and last night at the time it was just raining really hard by them. They both were off but just doing things around the house. I worked a full day and watched the rain go on and on hoping they would tell me I could go home. Nope I stayed until my regular time and by the grace of god I got home just before the floods happened. Half my town is under water. I texted them last night saying I probably wouldnāt be able to get into work this morning and I get a text this morning asking if I could come in. I told them I didnāt want to risk heading out I donāt know the conditions and I get a phone call saying by them itās fine and they donāt see any floods & that they are still heading into work. I didnt really know what to say.. I was already a little upset because last night they had me stay when they were home knowing how far I lived and how much it was raining. I told them I was sorry and I got hung up on. Sometimes I feel like some NPs are so hung up on their careers and base everything on that that they forget that Nannieās are real people. I donāt know whatās going to happen next havenāt heard from them since.
OMFG
This was posted on my local nanny/babysitter fb page. ISO affordable summer childcare for my 5yo son and 8yo daughter in YOUR home. They'll be in summer school at Weston Elementary the first half of the summer, so if you live within the bussing boundaries they can be dropped off at your home, otherwise they'd need to be picked up there around 11:45, and then hours would be as follows: June 9-July 17 Mon-Thurs: 11:45ish-5:15 Fri: 7:45am-5:15pm July 21- Aug 29 Mon-Fri: 7:45am-5:15pm I can send lunch along for them every day so you won't have to worry about cooking or buying food for them. They're great kids - this would be an easy summer gig for a high school or college student! We are not able to pay more than $250/week total for both kids. Please message me if you or your teenager might be interested! š¤Æš¤Æš¤Æš¤Æš¤Æš¤Æš¤Æ This was my comment: Just doing the math for the hours from July 21-Aug 29. That will be over 47 hours of work a week and you want to pay them $250⦠Coming out around $5.20 an hour for TWO kids and not even in your house? Just coming from a career nanny standpoint, that is not a livable wage and I would be weary of anyone willing to take a job for that cheap⦠best of luck
Sharing the wildest story from my past nanny families...someone called the cops...
Ok, story time. This is in response to the nanny who quit because of the child. Be glad you got out when you did. This will probably sound like a movie... but it's 100% scary reality. I had lost my job unexpectedly when my favorite family got a change to their military orders. I thought that I had walked into the perfect temp job when I started with a new family. They were looking for help for a few months while grandma got ready to move in with them cross country and my new full time family was arriving 2 weeks after their end date. Plus, the temp family said I could bring my son with me two or three days a week, which would save me a ton on daycare cost. But as it turned out I was dealing with a child a lot like the one in their post. I did not have any issues with toileting or food. But erratic and sometimes violent behavior started within a few weeks there... When I interviewed they said that their child was incredibly intelligent and very busy but seemed like they would benefit from being in a nanny environment, not in daycare. They felt daycare wasn't challenging enough educationally. The parents said they had tried daycare for about 6 months, after the child had been raised being home with mom, and that the child was having "an emotional time of things missing mom" during the day. (She used to have a work-from-home job and had begun to transition to the office) The first couple of weeks went pretty well as she slowly transitioned out of the house and into the office full time. I would take the kids (nk and my son) to different playgrounds and things during the day when she had meetings or phone calls. One of the local rec centers used to have an open play for rainy days or hot days which was awesome. That's where I saw some of the aggressive behavior but I just chalked it up to the child needing to learn some social skills after basically being home with Mom only for their first few years of life. By week four mom was back in the office full time. On my third full day without mom there, the child had a very angry outburst where they started throwing books and things at me, striking me in the head. They then started kicking my son. When I tried to redirect them to the quiet spot the parents trained me to use, the child started punching me on my legs. I very carefully scooped them up and put the child in their room. They continued trying to bite and scratch me so I pulled the door closed and told them I would let go of the door once I knew we would both be safe. This took nearly an hour. Discussed it with the parents they said they had seen on the cameras how I handled it and they appreciated how calm I had remained and that that's exactly what they would have done in that same situation. Fast forward another two weeks. Things begin going better, I decide I'm going to start trying to take the kid out again. Just to a different park or to try local preschool social activities. As we were driving to an activity that was considerably further away from the house we drove past a daycare center, *not the one the parents had told me they had pulled from* NK said "Oh look that's the school I went to but they wouldn't let me go there anymore." "Are you sure, I thought mommy told me you went to daycare X right next to the house?" NK replied "Oh yes but I went here too they wouldn't let me come anymore because I kept kicking the teacher." A week later we take a different route to a different playground and past yet another daycare. To which NK says "Oh I remember that school that's the one where they wouldn't let me come anymore because I kept being mean to the other kids in my class. I liked it when they would cry" My red flag went way up and because there had been a few times at that point that NK lashed out at my son, I reached out to the parents that night. That's when Dad told me that the child had been in a few situations but they assumed it was just a reaction to daycare versus being home with Mom which is why they had hired a nanny. And that they didn't disclose any of NKs behavior issues to me because they did not want me to come into the situation biased if it turned out that the behavior was just being in the daycare environment 𤯠I told them I was disappointed they had not let me know about the issues beforehand and then I wasn't sure I could continue working for them given the lack of disclosure and for my son's safety. They asked me if I would be willing to stay until Grandma could come and start taking care of NK in 8 more weeks, and even offered to pay for me to move my son to 5-day a week care at his home daycare and give me a raise. I reluctantly agreed because financially I couldn't afford to be without a job. Kid had multiple days where they would lash out at me and every time I would put NK in their room until they calmed down. If we went out they were a lot better, but per the parents, NK dictated when we would leave places. Sidenote: During this time, one day, mom called me to have me pull a file off her computer she forgot. When I went into Mom's office I noticed she had a business card on her bulletin board for the local early childhood intervention agency with a note on the bottom and not her handwriting that said "please, please call them." š¤ About two weeks later my son's daycare was going to be closed for a week, and my mother-in-law was not available to help me take care of my son the first 2 days. I reluctantly brought him with me, but by then I had noticed that the child's behavior tended to be better when we were out of the house. I elected to take the kids to the splash pad one of the days, which went well, so the following day we went to a new playground. While at the playground NK kept throwing sand at the younger children and laughing, even after I asked them to stop. I told NK that if they did it one more time we were going to have to leave. NK looked right at me and grabbed a handful of sand and threw it directly in another smaller child's face while laughing. So I scooped NK up and carried them over to the car and buckled them into their seat. The whole time NK was screaming at me. Another mom who was there helped me get my son in the car at the same time and she said she was shocked I was keeping my cool. We pulled away from the park and the whole time the child was screaming at me to take them back to the playground right now, they hated me, they were going to tell the parents I hit them, etc. I told NK we could not stay because they were not being kind. As we began driving down the road towards home NK unbuckled themselves from the car seat and proceeded to start punching me in the back of my head and grabbing my seatbelt from behind and yanking it up where it was choking me. I began to lose control of the vehicle and was all over the road. I struggled to get my car into a parking lot and I somehow managed to come to a stop and put the car in park. The whole time NK is continuing to hit me in the back of the head and then once stopped NK turned around and started punching my son and screaming I needed to take them back to the park. A couple had been following me in the car and had called the police on me for my erratic and dangerous driving. I admittedly had gone into Mama Bear mode when NK started punching my son, so I angrily yanked the door of the car open and yelled "STOP" at the top of my lungs, then wrapped my arms around NK to pull them out of the car and away from my son. NK started screaming at me and punching me again and the couple got out of their car. When NK saw them they yelled, "Are you ok?" And NK paused. Then started yelling "STRANGER DANGER YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY!!" And her husband came at me and grabbed him away. At this time the cops rolled up on me, guns drawn. NK smiled at me and said "now you'll go to jail for not taking me to the park" One of the other officers heard them say this and said "What do you mean because she's not taking you to the park?" And NK said "That's my nanny and I want to go back to the park right now. " The police sent the couple on their way, and came over and started questioning me about what happened. I told them about how NK had unbuckled and had been beating me and they observed and took pictures of the bruises that were forming and the scratches on the neck from where NK had scratched me and where the seatbelt had choked me. They also took pictures of my son who had a few bruises and scratches. I told the police I wanted them to call the dad and that I was not going to go anywhere near the kid again. The police took me and the kids to the station and reached out to nk's Dad. When the gravity of the situation hit them, NK started telling the police officer that I was lying and that I had hit them. But NK didn't know about my backseat camera set up. Because my son was still rear face and I had trouble attaching a rear view mirror where his seat was I had installed a dash cam (edit not the right word. A spare phone like a dashcam in the backseat that I could monitor from my phone on FaceTime). I pulled the footage and showed the parents and the police everything that had happened. I quit on the spot. About 4 weeks later I got a call from Dad boss. He told me that things had not worked out with grandma and that NK had asked him to bring me back to take care of them. Dad boss offered me double my salary. I obviously declined. I found out several years later from a mom friend who lived in their neighborhood that dad boss and Mom boss had gotten a divorce and that Dad boss had received full custody and that NK was doing much better after being put into a specialty program with lots of resources. I'm very glad that the child got the help that they needed but I will always wonder if things would have gone better had they listened to all of the daycares that told them they needed that early intervention... Edit to add: this was years ago, but the other post got me thinking about it! Edit 2: I'm significantly limited and being able to type things right now because of my hand injury and my TBI has me in a brain fog so I'm terrible with dates or words sometimes. if things don't make sense I apologize. To clatify... This happened late 2010ish, and I used two phones on our account with FaceTime to see my son while driving and I would screen record him on the rear view phone because he was hilarious at that age and with my husband working crazy hours I never wanted him to miss out on things. Edit 3: yes on a nanny salary. The phones themselves and the cell bill were a gift from my previous Nanny family who I considered my unicorn family. After the move they kept me on their plan for almost 5 years, as I still helped with their business. They were in the tech industry and wanted me to have the latest and greatest and DB gave me the phones. The daycare my son was in was a home daycare run by a family friend and she gave me a substantial discount to have him in with her.
How to explain why NF pays for travel time?
Iām brain dead at the end of a big trip and MB told me sheās going to watch the kids on the plane ride home tmrw so she doesnāt have to pay me. I explained I need to be paid for my time. She did not understand. Am I wrong in thinking this is a professional standard, and if not, how do I explain why I need to be paid for my time? Thanks in advance! Additional info: Iām a career nanny of 12 years and have never had to fight for my pay like I do with this family, but the job is otherwise a great fit.
Permissive parenting is ruining kids...
Hi Nanny forum. I am a 34 year old woman who is a Former Kindergarten Teacher and nanny of 15 plus years, so I would say I have had quite a bit of childcare experience. The behavior I have seen from children in the last few years is sometimes beyond my comprehension. I had a Kindergartener tackle me to the ground, and hit me in the face. His Mom showed up 30 minutes later more upset with me sending him home then his behavior. I nannied for a family, their 4 year old belittled me constantly in front of them, no consequences. They just seemed to give up. Let me add, there are some INCREDIBLE parents I have worked with that show consequences and hold their children accountable. The last few times I have been in stores I have witnessed blowout meltdowns from 3-4 year olds screaming for a toy. I talked to my Mom about this, who I truly consider to be an incredible parent, and she said if any of us did that it would be an immediate pickup and were leaving the store situation. She said that nipped it right in the butt. If we hit a Teacher in Kindergarten? Unfathomable. The stories I tell her always shock her which makes me feel as though a lot of childrens behaviors are getting worse and worse. I have changed Careers and have never been happier, but I do worry for. the next generation, specifically the ones that never had consequences and grew up thinking they were Gods gift to Earth.
NYC Nannies: Would a free NYC apartment be a job incentive, or would you prefer to live out/have a higher salary?
I'm a first time mom, due later this year - my partner and I are looking at options for a full-time nanny who would ideally care for one infant during weekdays, 9 to 5 ish. I live with my partner, and soon, our one child in his three-bedroom apartment in the Village. I also own a one-bedroom apartment in a lovely building in Lower Manhattan. Normally I rent my place out - BUT I'm wondering: Are there any nannies out there who would prefer to have a free Manhattan apartment, in exchange for lower compensation - or should I just rent out my place and focus on paying a higher hourly rate? This is my first time navigating any of this and I'm genuinely curious. Thanks!
Left a unicorn family for a career opportunity just to be fired after a week
I'd been working for a family for 6+ months that I loved and I literally always looked forward to the job. Monday to Friday. It paid well and they were always accommodating when I wanted to work more hours (going from PT to FT) and when it came to benefits. Everything about the job was amazing. In August, an agency reached out to me about a position and asked if I would be interested. The family already had a long-term full-time nanny and were looking for another to complement her schedule. Initially, it was for Wednesday to Sunday, but I told the agency I'd be open to the weekend days if the family would be open to that. They ended up finding another nanny to hire at the same time, which I was hoping would cover the weekdays and I'd do the weekend hours, but what worked best for the family was a rotational schedule. Working Monday to Friday, weekend, Monday to Friday (12 days), and then having the weekend, Monday to Friday, weekend off (9 days). There were always two nannies scheduled to work during the week, one working an earlier shift and one working a later shift with some overlap. It seemed great, especially because I've been wanting to travel more, on top of the salary being nearly double my previous job. It was truly like a bait-and-switch: I know what I signed up for. I know what I did during the trials. I know that the reality couldn't have been more different. There were two kids and the youngest (G3) was absolutely the worst-behaved child I'd ever taken care of. She would hit me, throw things at me, and run away in public. It was a nightmare. And her parents/nanny did nothing to correct her behavior or discipline her. G2 at my previous job was such a delight to take care of and is so sweet/smart/curious. It was jarring going from one extreme to the other and not being able to do anything about it except just take it. The job included housekeeper duties like deep-cleaning three bathrooms every single day. I've never worked a housekeeping job. And they did have a full-time housekeeper, she just would focus on the rest of the house and not the children's bedrooms or bathrooms. I started work on a Monday, worked through Thursday, and then was fired at the end of my first day back on Tuesday following the holiday weekend. I was initially supposed to work continuously, as was scheduled, but their private jet needed last-minute maintenance and they only had enough space for one nanny to drive with them to their country house for the weekend. I didn't get paid for those days but it would've amounted to more than $4200, which I was expecting to have. It was originally supposed to just be me scheduled for the weekend but they wanted the other nanny to train me for how things are at their country house. I've never felt more discarded/disposable in my entire life, and that's including the poor dating decisions I made in college. It was almost trippy going from nanny families loving me and only having good things to say about me to being made to feel like trash. My previous family already hired a new nanny so going back to work for them isn't an option. I don't regret anything that happened because I truly believe everything happens the way it's supposed to. But yeah... suffice it to say, leaving a unicorn family for more money is not always the best move you can make.
Iām being stiffed for an entire month
My nanny family is traveling for the entire month of November and doesnāt want to pay me while theyāre gone. Iāve been with this family for just over a year now and they told me they were taking this trip a few months ago ā initially with an invitation for me to come along, but once they learned that they could take PTO themselves for the entire duration of their trip, they rescinded their offer (not that i took offense to that, they just didnāt need my services, which I understand.) But Iāve brought it up twice now that I was curious if theyād put any thought towards compensation while theyāre out of town. Iāve been very clear that Iām not expecting a full months salary ā or even half of one, but just that that IS a long time to be without employment and some sort of supplement would be appreciated. Theyāve seemed very stand off-ish and almost aggravated every time Iāve mentioned this - always brushing it off by saying āweāll get back to you.ā Iāve also noticed that the two times Iāve mentioned it they then seem to kind of start hounding me a bit. Which is very unlike them. They give me a lot of autonomy. (Mind you, Iām a 25 year old career nanny, not an inexperienced high schooler.) So it almost seems like when I ask about them paying me while theyāre traveling, they retaliate by suddenly nit-picking my services to them ⦠almost as a way to maybe ājustifyā their impending denial. Also! The weird thing is is that they have paid me before when theyāve gone out of town! They once took a last minute trip for the holidays and paid me my full weekly pay. So I donāt understand whatās so different about this. What do I do?
From Salary to Hourly
Hello! Iād love some advice on whatās fair for next year. Currently, I make $98k/year salaried as a nanny. My required availability is 6:30amā6:30pm, and currently the child is in school TuesdayāFriday from 8:30ā12. I do housework/cleaning two of those days. Before NK started school, I was hourly at $27/hr, and I always made good money because of the overtime, which is what bumped me up to the salary Iām on now. Starting next fall, the child will be in school 8:30ā3:30, MondayāFriday. My availability is still 6:30amā6:30pm, but obviously I wonāt be working the same amount of active childcare hours. The family wants to keep me on and is offering 40 guaranteed hours per week. I donāt expect to stay at $98k with the reduced active hours, but I also still want to be in a similar income range ā because realistically, I could work for multiple families, or more for one family, and get 60 hours/week if I needed to in order to keep around my current income. Iām thinking of asking for mid-to-upper $30s/hr. Even though that looks like a raise from my old $27/hr hourly rate, itās still more than a $20k pay cut for me overall. Does that seem fair? How would you approach the conversation, and what rate would you ask for? Also, thank you for the response on my previous post. I know a lot of you said that I should be paid for 60 hours a week. I'm fine with 40 as long as I'm paid adequately. One more thing.. I know this is a far out situation but the family wants to know my decision soon! Thanks for any input. EDIT: Iām not actually classified as salaried. My pay is technically hourly + OT ā itās just structured as a consistent stipend every pay period, so āsalaryā is the easiest shorthand when explaining it. Itās run through a payroll company, but I know itās not a perfect FLSA setup. Iām not asking for legal auditing on my current arrangement, just advice on what hourly rate to request going forward.
AITA for quitting with less than 2 weeks notice, leaving a nanny family without childcare arrangements for the summer?
I (36f) worked as a nanny for 2 families. It started with the second family (NF2) on an emergency basis and then became full-time tandem care (4 kids total). NF2 initially offered pay embarrassingly below minimum wage. I accepted at the time because I was barely keeping my head above water with my other (minimum wage) nanny job. Over time, both families gave me raises, but NF2 was still paying below min wage. For context: high min wage state, relatively LCOL area. Since then, I've combined finances with my fiance and discovered NF2 was not as strapped as they claimed: 3 incomes between 2 households (attorney, retired military member who still works part time, and a hospice nurse), and they spend on custom EVs, some luxury clothing/bags, food subscriptions, international trips, lots of vacations, etc. This fall, NF2's youngest will be in school full-time. Anticipating a cut to pay/hours, and knowing our arrangment was likely illegal, I proposed keeping my current salary through fall, which would've brought me to legal minimum wage. I made this proposal over 3 mos before summer, to give them plenty of time to adjust or plan. They didn't respond until 12 days before the deadline--after multiple check-ins, and set the attorney step-parent in charge of negotiations: What followed was a frustrating back-and-forth: * They countered with a higher rate than before but still below state minimum wage. * I explained this wasn't legal (to an attorney) and offered to more precisely count hours using the school and personal calendars. * I said if we couldn't agree, I would like my last day to be at the end of this pay period: 12 days notice. * They quibbled about paying for 9-hour days, offering only 8, even though I'm not guaranteed a break. * I suggested taking unpaid vacation and eliminating paid holidays, but then realized overtime was necessary to factor in. * They argued they shouldn't have to pay when they were on vacation or when grandma visits, and offered no overtime. They suggested maybe we should switch to hourly instead of salary * I said hourly was ok with me and asked for a 10 hour guaranteed minimum, which I have with the other family as well. * They walked back hourly and wanted salary again. * I agreed to go to salary but only thru Dec this time because min wage is going up next year, with their vacations and mine unpaid, no guaranteed hours. Then she responded claming that this was a "nanny share" and I should be content because with both families combined I was "more than double minimum wage," and accused me of being "frustrating and difficult," "frankly unfair," and "going up and up and up." 1. We never agreed to or discussed being in a nanny share. 2. I looked into nanny share laws in my state and learned this would require a license due to the number of kids and location. I would've been putting myself at legal risk to continue under this arrangement. Her accustations highly offended me and because I'm no longer desperate, I gave them notice 2 days before the summer schedule would have started. Note: My final offer was only $67 more per paycheck than their last offer and $133 less than what they were already paying me. Now they have no childcare arranged and I'm sure they're upset. She sent a manipulative apology with lots of "ifs" and emotional appeals about the kids and what they could "afford." I do feel bad for the kids, but I gave them months to prepare, negotiated in good faith, and wasn't willing to keep breaking the law for their convenience. AITA? Edit: parent careers for extra context
Reality check: Are we underpaying?
Hi all, I casually posted the below comment in the babysitting subreddit because someone was asking about pay for a live in nanny, and I got a ton of comments saying that weāre underpaying. I know 7 kids is a *lot*, but we have an au pair as well and my wife stays home so I didnāt think that we were underpaying - if anything I thought that what we offered was pretty generous. That said, weāre in a pretty unique situation so itās hard to find good comps for our family. Iām happy to adjust if thatās the consensus, but just looking for a reality check here. Thanks! **Original comment:** We started our nanny off at 60k guaranteed (~$29 hourly) when we hired her about 13 years ago. We also provide phone, car, meals, etc. We now pay her a significantly higher rate (120k guaranteed), but that wouldnāt be needed for a starting salary. Of note, when she started we had one child and we now have 7. Weāre in DC, for context.
And, I'm out!!! āļøāļø
I left teaching in 2023. Since I had done nannying after school and during summers I thought it would be an easy and fun transition. WOMP WOMP. Nope. Due to my experience and skills I sought a salary of 80 - 90k. The families that I encountered that could pay that are...nice people but not nice empoloyers. I have been punched by kids so it left bruises, screamed and cursed at by parents, berated for hours over the STUPIDEST things and put down repeatedly. They literally expect you to read their mind!! I just received a job offer yesterday for an education non-profit and will NEVER be going back to nannying if I can help it. :) Love you guys, though! Best of luck!! Oh, and I'm definitely quitting no notice. Cuss me out and think you're getting notice? HA
The saga continueā¦(see last post).
For those who know, I was scheduled for a trial with a family whose requirements seemed off compared to the actually pay/benefits. After disclosing that I no longer wanted to do the trial and that I would be preferred to be hourly (instead of salary) hereās what I receivedš šµMy response to the couple interviews I had and the trial that I decided not to go to.šµ āHey ****! Sorry to be getting back to you so late. I ran errands then got my flu shot. Regarding A*** Honestly Iām on the fence but Iām leaning more towards moving on from that opportunity. A*** seemed great. Sheās Jewish, my last family is as well. I know the prayers, songs, we do Shabbat, etc. I was having concerns that I shouldāve mentioned to you beforehand. Excuse me for that. I am 1000% looking for a Live-In but I always do my research and after hearing her out and doing the logistics, this job is going to be tough. From what Iāve gathered, the pay is currently hourly(market value). Any time after that is paid. Salary vs hourly. That is what Iām seeing/hearing as the minimum. The salaried individuals seem to have been taken advantage of or burnt out from so much work. I understand your clients have different values and needs, thatās absolutely ok. I am actually the 1st gen America in my family, my parents are immigrants. I put my absolute all into my work and value being compensated accordingly. I am looking forward to working with you because something may come along that matches what Iām looking for.ā ā¼ļøAgency owner replyā¼ļø āI will tell A**** and try to disregard your application as well. She would also be offended by the idea of someone who expects to be paid as a salary employee, meaning during downtime for three or four hours on a day you really donāt have anything to do and are in the house alone, youāre still getting paid, during days where you have doctors appointment youāre still getting paid, vacations and holidays time youāre still getting paid, but also want the work to be exact hours like an hourly employee. This sort of have your cake and eat it to model is something too many of the nannies in your age range are demanding and families thankfully see the red flags with those candidates and skip them. Iām really thankful we reached this clarity now rather than after my clients investor time in the relationship. There are many many nannies on Facebook groups, pouting about the sort of arrangements are what is fair and what all nannies today need to demand, but I will point out that those women are currently unemployed and sitting around on Facebook groups. The nannies who families do employee Are those who are willing to work out a situation that is fair for both sides. That model certainly is not. May you find the job that you merit.ā Again, this is because I noticed the pay/benefits and hours/responsibilities didnāt match up. The family was paying salary. 5 kids. Plus up to 3 times a week of being on call for date nightsšššš If anyone is interested in the agency that sent this, Iāll send it via DM.
Tell me you want to take advantage of a nanny, without telling me
NEW POST: NEED FULL TIME NANNY STARTING MARCH 1st Family of 4 in [City] KIDDOS: Kid 1- 3.5 (goes to school M,W,F full time) Kid 2- 2 (home full time, daily outings with nanny) COMPENSATION: *Salary Position* HOURS: *43 per week* MUST HAVES: ⢠Love of Children ⢠Reliable Transportation ⢠Live within 25 Minutes of [City] ⢠Willing to Travel with us Sadly, our current nanny has decided to go back to school after being with us for over 2 years. She is a valued member of our family and will be hard to replace, but we are starting our search for a LONG TERM replacement now. *Our ideal candidate is between 20-28 years old* and lives close to [City]. Must love being with children as this is a very intimate role with 2 small children. My husband and I work from home and are very engaged with our kiddos. We don't mind screen time when necessary but prefer lots of fun adventures and outside time! We will welcome you into our home as a member of our family and we would love someone to commit to us for the next 18 months. Please only message me if you can fill all of these requests :-)
Planning to leave soon
As my title says, I am planning to leave my current NF soon. After 5.5 years of providing amazing care- going above and beyond, accommodating so much, showing up when they needed me, helping when I could, teaching their girls so much- theyāve disrespected me in such a cruel way. When I started with them, I had and still have a contract for up to 52 hours (GH, with OT). They raised it to 55 hours (3 years in). I havenāt gotten any raises the past 2 years. I stayed because the pay was nice and the new schedule was working. When we discussed a new schedule, MB told the money would stay the same even though theyāre reducing the hours. MB said they werenāt reducing hours because of the money- it was to make the hours work better for me and provide structure for their girls. Now, 1.5 years later, theyāre lowering my salary pay. They didnāt give me a raise at the end of the year. Just a small bonus. Then, they tell me today they want to discuss everything. And want to up the rate but canāt guarantee full time hours anymore. Iād be taking a $26k cut in the salary. And we are in a very HCOL- 30 mins outside of Manhattan! Sitting in a mega mansion- telling me āweāre paying for hours we couldnāt give you for workā. I explained what GH are and how Iāve done that will all my previous families- especially the one I stayed 10 years with! The conversation we had today makes no sense. MB wouldnāt even look me in the eyes. And honestly, I donāt even know if Iām making any sense right now. MB kept telling me she didnāt know what to do and then wouldnāt look me in the eyes. Iām so over it. Theyāre so selfish. I felt so disrespected and upset. When I spoke to my cousin who is an attorney, he pointed out some stuff to me which Iāll bring up in a conversation on Monday. But, itās time for me to move on. I stayed long enough. Iām sure when I resign, Iāll hear how they canāt do anything without me. That their household runs well because of me. Everyone they know is always praising me and letting them know how lucky they are to have as their nanny. But, Iām done giving my all for so little in return. They can either match what Iām looking for or find someone else. I already have interviews lined up for different positions. Once I have a new signed contract, Iām putting in my notice. Just so sad because Iāll miss the kids so much. Theyāre my babies. š„ŗ
Attachment based parenting
Does anyone work for a family that includes that style? Iām looking into a job opportunity and thatās how they describe their parenting style. Iām going attach part of the agency add down below. Iād appreciate all advice! Full-Time Household Manager/Nanny ā Midwest $55,000ā$65,000 Annual Salary (Based on Experience) LGBTQ+ affirming family | Neurodivergence-informed | Attachment-based parenting About the Family: A professional, warm, and dynamic family is seeking an experienced Household Manager/Nanny to serve as a true partner in caregiving and household management. The household includes two energetic, bright, neurodivergent children (ages 2 and 4) who thrive on flexibility, creativity, and emotionally responsive caregiving. Traditional, rigid, or consequence-based parenting approaches are not aligned with the family's values. The parents practice attachment-based parenting, which includes: Consistent responses to emotional needs No use of cry-it-out, planned ignoring, or extinction-based methods Emotional responsiveness to distress Use of co-regulation, emotional validation, and autonomy-building strategies The family emphasizes gentle, respectful caregiving, emotional coaching, creativity, playful structure, and partnership. They also share their home with two friendly dogs and maintain a joyful, busy household environment. Note: The family has allergies and chemical sensitivities and requires a nanny comfortable working in a scent-free home. Thanks for all your replies! Iāve decided not to move forward with the job. I was trying to talk myself into it but you guys helped me see reason lol. Thank you!
Ridiculous salary
I saw this post on sittercity today titled exactly ānanny needed for infant, tutoring, cooking and light housekeeping.ā Pay said $10-$11 an hour. It just reminded of the amount of times I see posts like this on all nanny sites. It absolutely baffles me that some families think itās okay to pay people less than minimum wage for an EXTREME amount of responsibility and labor. I see this so often where families have the most high expectations such as caregiving, nannying, meal planning, household manager, etc, but pay absolute close to nothing!! Itās genuinely concerning and should not be accepted. When did we forget that nanny and household managers are a luxury.
Is $90k salary fair for a 60-hour/week nanny position?
Hi all! Iām considering a nanny position thatās 60 hours per week, and the agency has it listed as a $90k/year salaried role. That breaks down to about $28.85/hour with no OT rate before taxes. In all my previous positions, Iāve been paid hourly with overtime (1.5x) for anything over 40 hours/week, so Iām used to that structure. The family said they originally paid their last nanny hourly too, but the agency advised them to switch to a salary. Theyāre open to discussing pay further, and I want to make sure Iām advocating for myself fairly. Does $90k sound reasonable for 60 hours/week as a salary? Or should I push for a different structureālike hourly with OT, or a higher salary to account for the extra hours? Would love to hear thoughts from other nannies or anyone familiar with industry standards. Thanks in advance!
Iām begging you
If you work more than 12 hours in a day or 40 in a week ever please go to the FAQ and look at the overtime info and make sure youāre getting paid properly. Even if youāre salary or have guaranteed hours. It may not help you at all but itās worth spending your time on. Please please please.
Am I Being Scammed Out of Pay by my Bosses?
Hi everyone! I'm suddenly having a bit of a situation with my bosses regarding guaranteed hours and am a bit confused and need some clarity before responding to them. I'm fairly sure I've understood everything in my contract correctly, but there are a few things that are contradictory so I'm not sure what to go off of. To start, I'm a nanny for a little boy and consistently work 45 hours per week. I've attached a screenshot of my listed work hours, but as stated they are: [M-Th 8:00AM-5:00PM and Friday 9:00AM-5:00PM](https://imgur.com/6qALUTo) (it's worth noting that I have only actually worked 9:00AM twice since starting with them in November and have done 8:00AM-5:00PM every other time. In my contract, I am guaranteed 40 hours of work per week ["unless otherwise agreed ahead of the commencement of the week"](https://imgur.com/pPLeNZ5). Also, my contract states that ["When the parent(s) do not need the nanny during the regular work hours, the nanny will be paid full salary"](https://imgur.com/qaRtmea). The little boy's grandma is in town so I anticipated there to be some changes in the schedule, but because of my contract, I was also expecting to be paid my regular amount as I was available and they did not need me. I was given Tuesday, February 11th off and that evening, they texted me asking to do 9:00AM-4:00PM moving forward while his grandma is in town so she could spend more time with him. Anyway, I filled out my timesheet and added in my usual work hours of 8:00AM-5:00PM based off of my understanding of being paid for my usual hours when I am not needed. Also noting that I agreed to the lesser hours of 9-4 on Tuesday, which, if we're being pedantic, is not "ahead of the commencement of the week." So, my timesheet is due on Friday's and I received a text from my boss stating that the contract has provisions for them to change the work schedule and she finds it ["rather disturbing"](https://imgur.com/4AuMFnz) that I agreed to a new schedule then asked to be paid based on the old schedule. The provision she's referring to states that ["the location or schedule may be changed from time to time by the Parent(s)."](https://imgur.com/6qALUTo) I'd be okay removing the "usual hours" and just being paid for the guaranteed 40 rather than the 45 but it seems like they'd probably have an issue with that as well. I only inputted the 8-5 in the timesheet as that's what was listed under my contracted work hours and that's what I thought the provision about being paid full salary meant. I'm unclear if I've just severely misinterpreted my contract and my boss is correct, but I wanted to get some advice here to be sure before I reply because I don't want to be unpaid for something if I rightfully should be. I'm not trying to scam anyone out of money--I just filled out my timesheet based on my understanding of things and I know nanny's tend to be taken advantage of, especially in LA so I want to be cautious. Thank you in advance!
Hourly vs Salary
Iām currently in the process of interviewing to find a new family to work for. I have previously only ever been paid an hourly rate on the books via a payroll company. I interviewed with a family that said they would prefer to pay a salary vs an hourly rate. Has anyone else done this?
No tea no shade but what is happening??
Context: Iāve been a career nanny for 6+ years at this point. With two long term placements and many a babysitting/short terms sprinkled throughout for many years. Okay rant starting. I feel like an insane person sometimes but I swear to god no one Iāve worked for has proper boundaries with their children. This may specifically be an issue due to where I live who knows but Iād say 98% of people Iāve worked with even my long term placements, parents have absolutely no clue how to properly communicate firm steadfast boundaries with their toddlers/children. Every single parent Iāve worked for even if they are kind and considerate people are passive parents who being honest? Would rather hand their child and iPad/TV/phone than hear a meltdown. It has consistently been a problem with almost every family Iāve met where I come in Monday morning and I can tell the kids dopamine receptors have just been fried by screens over the weekend. If not screens itās a constant barrage of ensuring meltdowns donāt happen whether thatās bribery, new toys, constant activity etc. it is good for a child to be bored. It is good for a child to independent play. It is good for child to feel a broad range of emotions including disappointment, frustration, anger. Your job as a parent is helping your child understand what to do with those feelings. NOT to quell them right away with some distraction/bribe etc. no should mean no. If I tell my nanny kids no to something at the store they know Iām serious because that is solid and consistent boundary I set. I feel like this generation of parents has such loose and flexible boundaries. Which donāt get me wrong. Flexibility is important as a parent and vital to managing expectations but passiveness is not. And this is not coming from some old school nanny. I am in my twenties! Iām Gen Z! And I am incredibly pro informed, emotionally aware, gentle yet authoritative parenting. Itās the kind of nanny I am! And to me it is so obvious sometimes when I see a toddler practically begging for a boundary and consistency. This rant is partially brought on just by the fact that I moving on from the nanny industry to further my education and am admittedly probably a little burnt out and perhaps slightly jaded. And none of this a personal attack to parents just a broad observation of my specific experiences and community. None of this applies to cases of neurodivergence/disabilities etc of course. Just wanted to rant as Iām sure other Nannies have similar experiences I mean hell itās a joke so mainstream that iPad baby trends are all over tik tok so I know itās not just me. Thanks for reading all the way if you did. āļø Adding to this it is also so insane being a nanny and realizing that some of these people have wealth and luxuries so beyond anything I could imagine. Multiple houses, Airbnb properties, car leases the same amount as my rent, shopping trips that could pay off my credit card bill. Like if you want to become class conscious become a nanny. And I wouldnāt even categorize myself as poor Iām just working class and make a relatively good living as a nanny well above minimum wage and I still struggle with bills every month. Part of me is very nervous to no longer be a nanny because being a graduate student means saying goodbye to my above minimum wage job and instead working a minimum wage social work job for the sake of my resumĆ© and experience for the hope that one day Iāll be able to make a salary high enough to pay off my debts and live in a townhouse with my partner supporting my cats š
Live-in nanny 6:30ā6:30 $600/week ā looking for advice on raise
Hi everyone, Iād love some feedback from other nannies. Iām a live-in nanny in a small town in SW Virginia. Iāve been with this family for two years, going on three. I live in a private mother-in-law suite with my husband, who is going to school with two years left, and dog (rent and utilities included). The suite is attached through garages but otherwise separate, so itās more like an apartment. Housing was part of the compensation when I accepted the job. Iām also paid under the table (I know thatās controversial). The job/family: ⢠3 kids: 12, 9, and 2 ⢠Hours: 6:30 a.m.ā6:30 p.m. minimum, sometimes until 7:30ā8:30 p.m. ⢠I have the 2-year-old full time every day unless āAuntieā (momās former nanny, now working for her company) steps in briefly. Even then, Iām usually still working with the older kids or dogs. Pay & benefits: ⢠$600/week flat salary (under $10/hour if you count my hours) ⢠No health insurance, groceries, retirement, or other benefits beyond housing/utilities and use of the family car for kid-related driving ⢠Occasional dog-sitting when they travel (sometimes weekends too) ⢠Paid time off: Thanksgiving Eve + Thanksgiving + Black Friday, two weeks at Christmas, spring break week, and other banking holidays ⢠They watch my dog if I need it ⢠Christmas bonus and birthday bonus Summer/breaks workload: When I accepted the job, I was told summers and school breaks would be lighter since the older kids stay with their dad a lot. In reality, Iāve still had the toddler full time (7:30 a.m.ā6:30 p.m.) every day unless the whole family traveled. On those trips, I was usually asked to watch the dogs. Iāve said no before (like when I had my own vacation planned), but it always feels like Iām inconveniencing them. Why Iām asking: I genuinely love this job, the housing is great (private, VERY nice), I can bring my dog, and the setup works well for my husband and me. We will be here two more years at least so he can finish school. But $600/week feels very low for the amount of work I do. Local nannies (not live-in) are getting $17ā20/hr. At my hours (60 a week minimum), that would be $1020-$1200 before factoring in housing. At this point, Iām making below minimum wage and I know I can argue that part. In our ārental contract,ā the suite is valued at $1,100/month, but that doesnāt really offset the extra hours I work. Iād like to ask for $1200ā$1400/week. I realize for some nannies that might still seem low, but since I originally accepted this role at a much lower rate, I donāt think I can convince them to go higher. For context, before this I was working as a behavior therapist and the pay wouldnāt have covered rent/utilities in the area we were moving to, so I took this job despite feeling it was on the low end. Where I came from, it is extremely easy to find a nanny to work for minimum wage. I thought this was my best bet. Recent update: She actually gave me a $50 raise this week (to $650) because her auto payment system had to be reset. She knows Iād like to formally revisit the nanny agreement at an upcoming performance review. My questions: ⢠Is $1200ā$1400/week a fair ask, considering separated housing is included? ⢠How can I frame this without sounding ungrateful? ⢠Any advice from those whoāve successfully renegotiated live-in contracts? EDIT I hear everything everyone is saying so far. I would love to ask for so much more or just move and find something else. Thereās just no way I could find a job that would pay me enough without me having to still be working 60+ hour weeks. And be working somewhere I hate. I really donāt think that mom would say no to a significant raise if I was able to bring something to her and show how much I should be making. But every place I look for my area, nannies make $16-$24 at the very most (degrees/years of experience taken into consideration there). Virginia unfortunately doesnāt legally require OT for live in workers. So thatās off the table. I feel confident in arguing for hourly pay. And I think I will go that route and say Iād rather keep track of my hours each week. Iām looking for advice on how to appropriately approach this in a performance review where we will be reevaluating the contract. How can I ask for $25-$30+ an hour when I canāt find anything saying thatās how much I should be charging besides Reddit users? No one is going to take that seriously. I need back up and resources and tips on how to approach it professionally. I have SCOURED the internet and I cannot find anything close to that besides Reddit. Even care.com says $17.88 is typical for the biggest city in my area. EDIT 2 Everywhere Iām looking says live in workers in Va are not given overtime. Also all I can find are things saying you can absolutely include living arrangements as compensation as long as itās agreed upon at the hire. Thereās some things that say no, some say yes, some say yes but it shouldnāt be a large amount. I canāt just claim things without reasonable back up for it. Iām not sure what I could show to fight that fight. This is why Iām asking. If I come with stuff to show, I fully believe I can get what I want. But I canāt just say it. When I look at multiple nanny postings near me (up to 100 miles) they are going from $13-$18 an hour or $500-700 a week for full time. Iām canāt find anything thatās posted for more than that unless it CA or NY based. Even ones in Tennessee are under $20 an hour.
How to respond to Nanny behavior?
Hi all, I'm a mom to a 2.5 year old and recently just had another baby (1 month old). Our nanny has been with us for about 2 years (since my oldest was 6 months). In that time, husband and I have noticed that she's not always receptive to feedback, and any conversations with her about changes to my son's routine, how to discipline, etc. always end with her being defensive, her crying, and listing out/boasting about all the things she does for our kids. This dynamic has been frustrating for us, but we've generally overlooked it because she's very affectionate with the kids. She's also been pretty unreliable for certain periods - since last year her adult daughter has been in and out of the hospital, which has resulted in her taking days off at a time with basically no notice (i.e. a text at 8am saying that she's not coming in). This put a strain on my husband and I for our work schedules and trying to find coverage, but we accommodated because we empathize with her situation and because she was very caring with our son. The other day, we tried to offer some feedback and the conversation did not go well, and ultimately resulted in her giving us notice. Later that day she apologized, said she got emotionally overwhelmed (her daughter has been back in the hospital, which we empathize with), and rescinded her notice. We let it go and agreed to just move on. A few days after this incident, nanny started texting my mom saying that she was leaving us because she doesn't feel appreciated by us. My mom told me about this separately, and to our face nanny was still apologizing to us for giving notice and saying that she would be there for us when we needed her (even in the days after sending my mom these messages). I feel it's inappropriate for her to be messaging my mom if she has issues with our working relationship, and I was very taken aback that she was telling us that she'd like to stay while telling my mom the opposite. I was also very surprised that she felt unappreciated. I'll admit that I'm not always the most vocal with my praise aside from thanking her throughout the day, which is something I can certainly work on, but I feel that I've always tried to show my appreciation for her in other ways (such as whatever pay rate she asked for plus a raise, unlimited sick time and effectively unlimited PTO, giving her PTO on little to no notice when her daughter was in the hospital, salary advances whenever she's asked and that were paid back however and whenever she asked for, cards/gifts on her birthday and holidays, holiday bonus paid early, allowing her to leave early/come in late whenever she needed, etc.). Looking for other perspectives here on whether it's reasonable for me to be bothered by this, how I can handle bringing this up with the nanny, and whether any of this is fixable or if it's just time to move on. Thanks in advance!
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